New Resident of the Puzzle
by Spirit of the Ring
Summary: *UPDATE* Bakura now lives in the Sennen Puzzle after Yami Malik defeated him. He intends to find out all of Yugi's and Yami's secrets, though they turn out to be a little stranger than expected....PG 13 for language and other things...
1. New! Bakura is where and Tea was what!

This is my first fic....i hope you like it  
  
"I am the DARKNESS!!" exclaimed Bakura as he faded away. He had lost a Yami no Game (game of darkness) to Yami Malik, and unfortanely, he was to disappear forever as the penalty. Malik got Ra onto the field and used the special ability ONE TURN KILL to dystroy the rest of Bakura's life points, as well as his spirit. Or so he thought. Bakura had previously placed a part of himself within a piece of the Millenium Puzzle, so he could always be with it, but in this case, it saved his life, for he now had a place for his spirit to reside in.  
  
"Uh...i feel like i've been hit by a rampaging camel....where in Ra's name am I?!" Bakura had woken up in a room made of stone. The walls were decorated woth hyroglyphics and pillars were scattered around the room. There was no furniture. He slowly got up to examine his surroundings that strongly reminded him of a tomb....  
  
"What happened? Let's seee now, first of all I lost to that schizophrenic Pharaoh. Then I had a battle with my former partner's dark half....Oh NO!" Bakura just realized that he lost his battle to Malik. "Am i really that bad at dueling? I haven't won a battle ever since i got out of my ring....speaking of which, where is my ring? Malik must have claimed it as a prize...but if my ring is his, then where am I?" Bakura got up and began walking around the room, hoping to find an exit. He then heard a growl in the corner of the room.  
  
"What the bloody hell?" When suddenly a giant fuzzball shot out a thim  
  
"GAAAHHHHH!!!" Bakura darted around the room but the giant Kuriboh would not leave him alone!  
  
"That's it!" he said while pulling out his deck. "I summon the man-eater bug!" Nothing happened.  
  
"Blasts! Whithout the ring, my powers are gone!" He conttinued running until he finally came across a door. "Thank Ra!" he yelled before darting through and slamming the door on the Kuriboh. After entering the door, he he realized Kuribohs explode when they hit something.  
  
"Oh fu-"  
  
KA-BOOOM!!!!  
  
~  
  
Meanwhile, Battle City had ended. Of course the winner was Yugi Moto. Also, Yami Malik was gone and Malik, Isis, and Rishid were now friends with Yugi. After saying goodbye, Malik gave Yugi his Rod as well as the Millenium Ring.  
  
"Well, that was fun but I think its time to eat now! I'm starving!" Joey Wheeler(it's easier to write their american names), Yugi's best friend, darted down the street towards the nearest food establishment.  
  
"Hey Joey, wait up!" Yelled Yugi's other friend and secret crush Tea Gardner as she and Tristin chased after him. Yugi just laughed at there antics but then realized he was now by himself.  
  
"WAIT FOR ME!!!"  
  
Out of breath, Yugi found them inside a Burger World. As he sat down next to Anzu, a waitress came up to their table.  
  
"WELCOME TO BURGER WORLD!!" she said in a bit-too-cheery voice. "WHAT CAN I GET YOU ALL TODAY??"  
  
O_o  
  
O_o  
  
O_o  
  
"Well, if none of you are gonna order, then ill go first. Ill take three triple cheeseburger, 3 large fries, and a coke."  
  
"Wow Joey!, can you really eat that much?" Asked Yugi.  
  
"Yea, no problem, but I'll probably need dessert afterwards....it may not be enough."  
  
"...."  
  
"HOW ABOUT YOU THEN?" They all jumped at the sound of the waitress' voice.  
  
"I'll just have some chicken nuggets..." said Yugi.  
  
"A hamburger and soda please" requested Tea.  
  
"How about your phone number?" asked Tristin, puffing his chest out.  
  
"O_O'.....ok, I'll be back with your food shortly." she said and ran off.  
  
"Shot down again, eh buddy?"  
  
"Don't talk to me."  
  
Everybody laughed but suddenlyYugi stopped. He was silent for about 10 minutes before Tea noticed this.  
  
"Yugi, are you alright?"  
  
"What? Oh yea Im fine...." That was a lie. Yami just informed Yugi that he felt a familiar evil presence close by, and warned Yugi to be careful.  
  
{What do you think it is Yami?}  
  
(I'm not sure, but it feels like Bakura might be back)  
  
{How is that possible? We have the ring, and also Malik told us his Dark side got rid of him.}  
  
(I know, but still, stay aware of your surroundings aibou.)  
  
There food was delivered to them but it was a different waitress who brought it to them.  
  
"Hehe...looks like Tristin got rid of our last one" Jounouchi laughed while scarfing down his first burger.  
  
"Shut up puppy"  
  
"Damn it! Dont call me that!!" Joey then proceded to lunge at Tristin.  
  
Yugi and Tea: O_o'  
  
While Joey and Tristin wrestled, Yugi told Tea about what Yami said about Bakura.  
  
"NOT him again! I HATE him so much!!"  
  
"Um...you've barely encountered him." reminded Yugi.  
  
"Oh yea....but still, he did spread all those rumors about me being a man then getting a sex change."  
  
"Um....right...." Joey and Tristin had stopped fighting after Tea gave that new piece of information.  
  
"....."  
  
"....."  
  
"....."  
  
"I WAS NEVER A MAN!!!"  
  
"HAHA, You could have fooled me." said Joey nonchalantly.  
  
"Damn Puppy dog..."  
  
"I'm right here you know!"  
  
~  
  
Bakura laughed. The Kuriboh's blast had blown up the door, but by then he had run away. Now, he was just listening to Yugi and his friends and laughing at their foolishness.  
  
"How can i hear them though when they are no where near me though?" he thought. Then, the truth slowly dawned on him.....he was now in the Millenium Puzzle.  
  
"Oh great, this is just bloody perfect!!"  
  
Well, thats the end of chapter one. i know it's not very funny but still....please review ^_^ 


	2. Bedtime! First contact with Yugi!

Bakura had been walking through halways of Yami's spirit room for over an hour but so far he was reluctant to enter any more doors. He previously opened a door and almost got killed by a giant Kuriboh. O_o' He was thinking of all the possibilities and how he finally had the chance to get rid of that annoying Pharaoh. But being the cunning, egotistical psycho that he is, he wanted to learn the secrets of the Pharaoh. A down side was when he walked in the hallway, he had to listen to the bickering of the mortals that the Pharaoh hung out with.  
  
"Hmm, it must be getting close to feeding time, I need nourishment." Bakura thought to himself. "He now had to find the door that lead to the kitchen of the Puzzle. Did the Puzzle have a kitchen? Bakura hoped so.  
  
"Well, i'll try this door first."  
  
"Oh dear Ra...." Upon entering the room, Bakura came across a room that happened to have Yami in it! The thing was, Yami was only waering a pair of boxers decorated with stars posing in front of the mirror at the moment....  
  
"Wow! Who's that sexy guy checking me our right now? Oh yea, it's me!" Yami said, winking at the mirror.  
  
"Ok Bakura....slowly back out of the room....and forget what you saw....please forget wat you saw.....YOU MUST FORGET WHAT YOU SAW!!!!" Bakura screamed at himself mentally while tearing down the hallway, determined to get as far away from Yami as possible.  
  
"Is someone there?" Yami called out. "Yugi? Is that you? Guess it was just my imagination. Now, where was I" he said turning back to the mirror....  
  
~  
  
Bakura was huddled up in a corner. "It's ok...he's gone now...your safe...." A rumble in his stomach reminded the tomb robber that he needed food, so he reluctantly got upand began looking for food again.  
  
"Ok, remember to stay away from that door...." he reminded himself. He did not want to expose himself to the pharaoh, especially not after what he saw.... Bakura opened another door but the room turned out to be a spectacular bathroom. It was made of stone, of course, but it was huge and had a working shower, toilet, and sink.  
  
"Wow, i never had a bathroom like this in my ring." he whispered to himself. "I'll have to remember this room." He exited and made his way to the door next to the restroom. Openeing the door, he saw the room was empty. He passed several more empty rooms and an exercise room (-_-) before he found the kitchen. Bakura was not the greatest cook in the world, so he just got some cookies out of the cabinet and poured himself a glass of milk ^_^. The Pharaoh's kitchen wasn't very well stocked.  
  
"Well, I can't complain." He ate his cookies hungrily and decided that he would explore the chambers of the Puzzle deeper tomarrow. Now, it was time to find a place to sleep. He left the kitchen and then walked down one of the halls he hadn't travelled on before. he opened another door and found a bed.  
  
"Finally," he said but then when he got closer, he noticed Yami was in that bed. "Damn!" He looked closer and Yami was cuddling a plushie of the Dark Magician.  
  
"Hehe, this is too perfect" Bakura watched him and laughed for a little until....  
  
"GOODNIGHT YAMI"  
  
Bakura jumped as the booming voice of Yugi echoed the chambers.  
  
"Stupid mortal..." he muttered as he left Yami's bed.  
  
"Yami, did you just call me a stupid mortal?"  
  
Oh crap, he can hear me if i talk to him, Bakura thought. Hmmm....how would the Pharaoh talk to his Hikari...?  
  
"Um...This is the Pharaoh! How dare you make accusations of me insulting you! I merely wished you a pleasant's night's rest! Now, I bid you farewell!" Bakura imitated Yami the best he could.  
  
"Yami, are you feeling ok?"  
  
"Yes!, The mighty Pharaoh now needs his rest! If I don't sleep, I can't be expected to win you any duels we encounter! The Pharaoh of the Puzzle bids you Goodnight!"  
  
"Um...right, wel, goodnight Yami."  
  
"Oh Ra help me...."  
  
~  
  
I hope that was better than Chapter 1. Reviews would be appreciated ^_^ 


	3. Disclaimer! Yamiboy's secret revealed!

Sorry, i forgot to put a disclaimer up, so here it is:  
  
I don't and never will own YuGiOh, no matter how much I want to! Also, this is the rest of Day 2, so it will not be that long  
  
~  
  
After his encounter with Yami's Hikari, Bakura wanted nothing more than to find a place to sleep. His feet were sore and disturbing images of Yami kept going through his mind.... "Remember what you can accomplish by being in the puzzle, you can learn the secrets of the Pharaoh and his deepest fears." the white haired theif reminded himself. "I will dystroy the world, and in order to do that, the Puzzle must become mine!"  
  
"Unfortunately," he added, "I need sleep if I will take the puzzle but it appears the only bed in this Pyramid is where the Pharaoh sleeps. I must find another suitable area to recover my lost strength." He opened another door and he came across a big screen T.V. and two couches, not to mention a large supply of tapes."  
  
"What the devil....this is hardly ancient egyptian." the tomb robber thought. "How come my Ring doesn't have all these modern convieniences?!?!"  
  
"Then again, there is only one room in the ring..." Hw decided not to give it more thought and sat on teh couch to watch some T.V. Also, they made an excellent place to sleep.  
  
"Now, lets see what kind of hentai stuff the Pharaoh watches..." he said, turning on the T.V. and putting in one of the many tapes next to it.  
  
Some static appeared first and then...  
  
"Welcome to a Beginner's Guide to Duel Monsters! (O_o) We give you strategies to defeat anyone and any deck in the world! Tonight, we will go over the strategies to defeat such famed duelists as Seto Kaiba and Mai Valentine!!" (not what you were expecting, right?) Bakura nearly died of laughter! The Pharaoh couldn't duel! This simple show was giving him all the strategies needed to win any duel he came across! After watching a bit, he took the tape out and put the one labeled Bakura in.  
  
"Welcome to a Beginner's Guide to Duel Monsters! We give you strategies to defeat anyone and any deck in the world! Today we cover a new duelist that has recently surfaced, Ryou Bakura...." The tape then proceded to tell the exact cards in his deck!  
  
"How in Ra's name did they get all of this?" he said quietly as then they listed the necessary cards to defeat Bakura's deck. "To defeat this duelist, we suggest using a card first with powerful defense, like Big Shield Gardna. Magnet Warriors and also a Monster Reborn for getting his Dark Necrophia out of the graveyard will help you greatly! Also, if possible, it would be helpful if Saint God Dragon Osiris could somehow placed in the deck, though we don't know how you would get it in the first place!" Much to his delight, all the cards were in Yugi's deck when facing him in Battle City, and all of them lead to Bakura's downfall.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! This is way too perfect! I smell serious blackmailing in the near future..." the Yami thought to himself. He was angry at the fact a simple tape explained how to beat him, but his amusement quickly pushed thoughts of anger out of his mind. He shut off the T.V. and layed down on the couch, using the armrest as a pillow.  
  
"Now I've got you Yami-Boy......wait did I just say Yami-Boy?!!? (O_O) Dear Ra! I must be more tired than I thought..." Shaking off the disturbing thoughts off Pegasus, he drifted off to sleep, still mantally laughing at the fact the King of Games could defeat any opponent by watching a Children's T.V. show.  
  
Short, i know but it was just to finish off day 2. Reviews would be nice..... 


	4. Ouch! Yami has a hangover!

Wow! Thank you to all those who reviewed! I wasn't sure if I was doing a good job and if I should continue, but I guess I will! Thanx again! ^_^  
  
~~I need some help thinking of more rooms than Bakura should come across, if you have an ideas, please tell me! I will give you credit!~~  
  
Also, I have nothing against Yami, its just this story revolves around the fact Bakura learns strange and disturbing secrets about him. So I apologize to all those who are fans of the Pharaoh. I'm a fan of Yami also!  
  
Bakura makes a small crack about Yami Malik in this chapter, no offense to anyone who likes Y.M. I personally think Yami Malik is awesome!! The only person I don't like in YuGiOh! is Honda, but I won't bash him.....not in this story at least  
  
*Warning* Some of the scenes in this chapter can be viewed as Yaoi-ish, but remember, I don't like Yaoi unless it's for the sake of humor, in this case it is  
  
Enough delay, on with the story!  
  
~  
  
"Welcome to a Beginner's Guide to Duel Monsters! We give you strategies to defeat anyone and any deck in the world! Today...."  
  
"What the devil?? How did that infernal device get turned on?" Bakura had just woken up from a pleasant dream where Tea was giving him a lap dance (O_o) to the sound of Yami's Duel Monster training videos. He also figured out only one person could have turned them on....  
  
Bakura chanced a look around the room and to his horror, he saw Yami! His rival though did not appear fully awake. His eyes were still half-closed and bloodshot, with dark rings underneath. Plus, he had stubble. His hair basically retained its shape, but it was messier with stray hairs sticking out in all direstions. In one hand was a cup of coffee, and the other was his Dark Magician Plushie. He was wearing the pajamas Yugi had, the ones that were sky blue and had little yellow stars decorating them. Oh yea, he was on his feet were Kuriboh slippers. (HAHA, can you imagine that?)  
  
"Hehe, the Pharaoh is definately not a morning person..." Yami then turned around, walked towards the couch, stopped to look around, then jumped on the couch, right on the Tomb Robber...  
  
"WHAT TH-" But Bakura stopped in mid-sentence. He couldn't let Yami know he was inhabiting his puzzle, not yet anyways... He just hoped that somehow, the Hungover Pharaoh wouldn't figure out he was sitting on top of his worst enemy.  
  
Yami was none the wiser. True he hated mornings but no matter what, he started out everyday the same way. First, before anything else, he NEEDED coffee! Then, he would procede to his big screen T.V. (A prize won in dueling) and watch his tapes, you know....just in case.  
  
"Oh Ra....he's...heavier than....he looks"  
  
"Wow, the couch today feels rather uncomfortable..." Yami muttered thickly..."Wonder why..." Yami looked down at the couch and staring back up at him was the face of the 5,000 year old tomb robber!  
  
(O_O)  
  
(O_O)  
  
The two rivals stared at one another for at least 2 minutes, neither even daring to breathe, before Yami spoke up.  
  
"Yugi was right," he chuckled, shaking his head, "I shuldn't have broke into Grandpa's liquor stash and drank all that....um....what's it called?...Tequiloco?...Tequila?....Well, whatever it was, its making me see that White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland!" He proceded to pet Bakura's hair. (-_-) The Tomb Robber just scowled .  
  
"Hehe! Your so cute and fluffy!" (O_O) "Hahahaha!! Watch me Mr. Bunny! I'm going to be you!! I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!" Bakura just watched in sheer horror as a hungover Yami did his impression of the White Rabbit.  
  
"...I'm late! I'm late! I'm late! I'm....gonna be sick" Unfortunately, the Pharaoh couldn't hold it in until he got to a sink; he was gonna blow right then and there.  
  
" OH SH-" was all Bakura could get out before the King of Games puked, right onto our Tomb Robber friend.....  
  
"RA DAMMIT!!!!! YOU KNOW HOW BLOODY MUCH ONE OF RYOU'S SWEATERS COSTS?!?!!? HE'S GONNA MAKE ME BLOODY PAY FOR IT YOU KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
(O_O) "Wow, I'm hearing funny things....I think I'm gonna take a shower....." He proceded to hobble off the couch, running into a wall before stumbling out the door.  
  
"PHARAOH!!!! I SWEAR I WILL GIVE YOU THE 5 CUTS*" he roared, "as soon as I cleanse myself of your putrid regurgatation...." he added before going to the kitchen. Yami was in the bathroom doing Ra knows what, so Bakura went to the kitchen to clean up. He got some paper towels and tried to wipe the uh.....you know.....off, but to no avail. Bakura then left the kitchen, in hopes of finding a laundry room. The fumes from Yami's puke were getting to him....I mean seriously, what are the chances of comming across a washer and dryer in a 5,000 year old puzzle?  
  
Passing the shower, he heard the faint sounds of running water and Yami singing, but he had already learned enough about the Pharaoh to last several lifetimes. Running past, he still unfortunately caught some words being sung..."Oh, I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite...(Don't own No Doubt) " (O_O') He proceded dashing off after that.  
  
"Who knew the Pharaoh was so unstable upstairs?" He asked tapping his head. "None of the other Yami's I know are like this. I mean, I know I'm a psychopath, and Yami Malik is a murdering phedophile....the things he tells me that he wanted to do to Yugi....extremely disturbing....he is in need of serious help (I made that entirely up....at least I hope its made up), but the Pharaoh is making me and him look like Yugi right now...WHY CAN'T I MEET A NORMAL PERSON WHO WANTS TO DYSTROY THE WORLD AND HAS NO FETISHES?!?!?!" (O_o)  
  
Bakura continued down the hallway and at the end, he finally found a washer and dryer. (believe it or not, Yami does have a washer and dryer...) There was no door to the room, so Bakura spotted it easily. Also, he didn't have to chance opening any other doors to find it.  
  
"Well, at least that's one problem taken care of," he said taking off and throwing his white sweater in the washer (He is wearing his outfit from Duelist Kingdom). He also tossed clothes from the laundry basket in carelessly, so if Yami came by he wouldn't just see Bakura's sweater being washed. Hopefully his hangover would make him think he did the laundry himself.  
  
"Or maybe he's stupid enough to believe it anyways...." Bakura added, walking away.  
  
5 minutes later, Yami came in to start the laundry but it was already going. "Wow...I don't remember doing that....well at least I can get these new clothes I "bought" clean before showing Yugi. His school uniform is way too tacky for a Pharaoh to be wearing and plus, blue is not my color. I'm more of a red person," he added. "goes well with my eyes"  
  
// 1/2 hour later....//  
  
Bakura peaked into the laundry room and to his relief, it was empty. Opening up the washer he dumped all the clothes into the dryer before leaving. Of course, a confused Yami came by later to do the job himself to find it taken care of.  
  
"Maybe my aibou did it....well, it's about time he learned who is the Pharaoh and who is the slave around here!" He said smugly. "All hail King Yami!! Now, Yugi told me Joey wants a match, so I better go find his tape...."  
  
// Another hour later//  
  
Bakura came in and opened the dryer with a look on his face of absolute repulsion.  
  
"This morning has been horrible so far!! First the Pharaoh burns a bag of popcorn to the point all the kernals melted into one clump! Then, he doesn't even bother to clean it up or get rid of that BLOODY STENCH!!!! He just runs off to duel that Mutt muttering....Time Wizard turns Dark Magician into Dark Sage!! I swear when the world is mine, I shall see to his demise personally!!" He then proceded to look fot his shirt.  
  
"Well, at least I know the Pharaoh won't come by and see me. Now where did it go? Everything is red here, how hard can it be to find a white sweater?" He asked himself, still digging through. Pushing aside a shirt similar to Malik's (you know his purple belly shirt? It was like that, except red), he came across a black bra.  
  
(O_O) ...... ...... // 1 hour later // ...... ......  
  
(O_O)  
  
"....What the HELL....is WRONG....with YOU?!?!" he exploded, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE BLOODY FREAKING PHARAOH!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ONCE BOWED TO YOU!!!! YOU'RE THE KING OF EGYPT! THE SON OF RA!!! WHAT THE DEVIL IS GOINNG ON IN YOU'RE SICK, TWISTED MIND?!?!?!" Taking several deep breaths, he finally calmed down and found his sweater.  
  
Well, at least now I have my sw-"  
  
(O_O)  
  
"RA, WHY DO YOU KEEP PUNISHING ME?!?!?!  
  
~  
  
Hehe, does anyone know what happens to a white sweater when mixed with red clothes??? If you don't (I don't think thats many of you...) come back for the next chapter! If you do, come back anyways! Don't forget to review on your way out!  
  
Also, If you want to know what the 5 Cuts are, read on. WARNING: It is a bit greusome, so those of faint stomach shouldn't read on.  
  
*5 cuts: The punishment in ancient Egypt if you were caught breaking and robbing a tomb. They would cut off your hand, ears, nose, tounge, and occasionally gouge our your eyes. Sometimes they would have to sit on a sharp stake until death. Painful eh? 


	5. PINK! The Pharaoh has Instant Messenger?

Many thanx for all the reviews!!  
  
~~Head of Kupo Corp  
  
~~Ie Mizishi  
  
~~curseofshadows  
  
~~WildWolf  
  
~~Dark Magician Girl  
  
~~Dragona  
  
~~nintendestined64  
  
~~Aesa Bast (Awesome idea, I never even considered that before! Mahalo for the insperation!!! But instead of a mirror-like thing, I'm gonna make it into a room. Little Yugi will be freaked!!)  
  
~~C.T : Sry, Yami could only part with one of his precious tapes. It's labeled "Honda". I don't think you will need it that much. Also...that is a deliciously evil idea *grins insanely*  
  
~~Wouldnt you like to know : LOL, Y. Bakura is also mai favorote YuGiOh! character, I don't know why I am putting him through all this....out of love I guess :-/  
  
*WARNING* This chapter can seriously damage fragile minds. It contains hints of Yaoi (for humor), Yami's hentai desktop, and someone who's screen name is PinkPegsy4U....  
  
The screen names are entirely made up by me and if they turn out to actually be someone's....um...i'm sorry?  
  
Now on with the story....  
  
~  
  
"............pink......Pink.....PINK?!?!?!?!?! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!?!?!" Bakura had just finished washing his sweater in Yami's washer. He failed to notice that all the other clothes beside his sweater were red. Let's see, white sweater + red clothes = A BLOODY PINK SWEATER!!  
  
"IT HAD TO BE PINK!!! NOT RED, THE COLOR OF BLOOD!!! NOT WHITE, THE COLOR OF A FORGOTTEN SPIRIT!!! IT'S PINK!!! THE COLOR OF.....OF..... OF A HAPPY LOVER!!!!(Duel Monster card) GAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" He had been screaming for at least an hour now. Poor Bakura....  
  
"I REFUSE TO BLOODY WEAR A PINK SWEATER!!" He screamed before throwing his sweater to the ground. Upon seeing the pink sweater, he instantly saw red, or should I say pink?(^^) In his rage, he started talking to his sweater.....yea, his sweater.....  
  
"You think your so great.....you think you got the best of me.....well, I've got news for you.......I'M GONNA SET YOU ON FIRE! YEA THAT'S RIGHT! THEN, I'M GONNA PISS ON YOUR ASHES! I WILL PROCEDE TO SCATTER HALF OF YOU TO THE FOUR CORNERS OF THE EARTH!!!! THE OTHER HALF WILL BE BAKED INTO A COOKIE...NO, NO, NO...A PINK COOKIE!! AND THEN I WILL PERSONALLY FEED IT TO THAT RED-LOVING PHARAOH!!!!!!! DAMN EVERYTHING TO HELL!!!!"  
  
Suddenly, he heard a door slam from outside.  
  
"OH CRAP! The Drunk One is back!" He darted out the door and ran into the nearest room he could find to take refuge. His eyes never left the steel door as he nervously listened for sounds of Yami.  
  
"Hehe...stupid Joey saying things like....It has to be my Time Wizard for Dark Sage to form....won't work when its Joey's Time Wizard.....what a bitch......Hey! What's this???" Bakura opened the door slightly and saw Yami holding onto his sweater!  
  
"Bloody Crap!(eewww) In my haste I forgot my sweater!"  
  
"Hey...this is really comfy....I think I'll keep it." He said slipping it on. "I need to find a mirror!"  
  
"F#@$!!!!! This can't be happening to me....not only am I stuck with a retarded Pharaoh, I have now lost my shirt...." Bakura began pounding his head on the steel door.  
  
*Klunk!*  
  
*Klunk!*  
  
*Klunk!*  
  
"What....is....that?!?!" Yami stopped posing when began hearing these noises and one thing was floating across his mind at the moment....  
  
"GHOST CLOWNS!!!! THEY'VE FINALLY COME TO GET REVENGE ON ME!!!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"  
  
*KLUNK!!*  
  
*KLUNK!!*  
  
*KLUNK!!*  
  
"AIBOU!! HELP ME!! MY PUZZLE IS MORE HAUNTED THAN MY FATHER'S TOMB!!!!"  
  
"Ok Yami! Just stop screaming, come to the 2 Way Room (This is a room where whatever is inside will get projected outside, You know how we sometimes see Yami as a ghostly figure when talking to Yugi? This is where he is at the time) in about an hour and I'll be ready for you by then."  
  
"AN HOUR?! What do you need an hour for?!?!"  
  
"It's my work out time! I gotta tone my sexy body!"  
  
(O_O)"....Right, I'll see you in an hour then aibou." Yami then walked off, jumping at every small noise he heard.  
  
~  
  
(O_O) "Well, that was quite a disturbing conversation but none the less this should be very intresting; the Pharaoh and Yugi together in one place. A great time to scare them as well as learn some relevant things....even though they will probably only be talking about ghost clowns...." He shook his head, apparently dissapointed at the former Pharaoh because he was afraid of the sound of Bakura's head hitting metal.  
  
"Jeez, how the hell did his mind jump to ghost clowns??" Bakura turned around laughing and then for the first time noticed he was in a room with a computer in it.  
  
"The Pharaoh has a computer as well?!?! Oh that's just Bloody swell!!! He lived in luxury in Egypt and he lives in luxury now!! Whatever happened to Karma?! Oh right...the tomb robbings....hehe...." He walked over to the computer (Ryou showed him how to use one before) and moved the mouse so the screensaver would turn off.  
  
The background of Yami's computer was the Dark Magician Girl! The one on Yami's desktop was of course being her cute self, but she was also.....Posing.....without any clothes on.  
  
(O_O) "For some reason, this doesn't suprise me. I knew the Pharaoh was a serious hentai all along. I still remember he built the first hor-house in Egypt." (Yami is sick...)  
  
"Plus" Bakura continued, "He seemed way too attached to that DMG card.....though its a rather nice picture. She really does fill out in all the right places..." He commented, still oggling her. ((-.-)Bakura, I'm so ashamed) He then proceded to log online, maybe bid for some unessecary items at Ebay(don't own that), you know, just to run the Pharaoh's credit up. (Don't ask how Yami has internet connection, its magic)  
  
As soon as he got online, someone named "PinkPegsy4u" instant messaged him.  
  
PinkPegsy4U: Hey sexy (can you guess who this is?)  
  
(O_O)  
  
Bakura decided to respond using Yami's screen name.  
  
(The following will be written using IM slang....)  
  
LeatherFetish4Evr (Yami's sn): Who the bloody hell are u?  
  
PP4U: Don't tell me u have 4gotten about me already lover-boi  
  
(O_o)  
  
LF4E: Um...refresh my memory, will u mortal?  
  
PP4U: (O_o) Well, we met in that couples chat room...aww it was so romantic how you said you fell in love with me right then and there!!  
  
(O_O)  
  
PP4U: Now, aren't u gonna tell ur GF u luv her?  
  
"HELL NO!!!!Bakura screamed out loud. Calming down, he had a great idea, "....wait....hehe, I could seriously get Yami screwed over here. In the process though, I probably am giving up all the dignity I have left...."  
  
LF4E: I love u w all my heart! :-*  
  
Bakura: "Oh Ra I feel dirty....I wonder if Yami is really that dense to have never figured out who his 'girlfriend' really is..."  
  
PP4U: I luv u 2 lover-boi  
  
//10 minute awkward silence//  
  
Bakura had a sinister idea. He then proceded to type something he hoped he would never have to type again.....  
  
LF4E: I want to meet u soon, I love u so much!...... I want to make love to u so badly....  
  
Bakura ended up blowing chunks into the trashcan near the computer  
  
PP4U: OH RLY?! THAT'S AWESOME! I love u soooo much! Let's meet in one week, at the Kaiba Corp Hotel! (Kaiba owns hotels now...)  
  
LF4E:....sounds good to me  
  
Bakura: *Still throwing up*  
  
PP4E: Sry lover-boi! I g2g! Gotta pick out a nice outfit 4 next week! Also get some sexy lingerie ~_^  
  
Bakura: (O_O) (still puking by the way)  
  
PP4E: Sayanora! xoxo  
  
LF4E:....yea....Sayanora...  
  
Bakura finally stopped throwing up, he only did eat a few cookie; his stomach was mostly empty. He wiped his mouth and then realized what he had just done. He had an evil glint in his eyes and was smiling malevolently....  
  
PP4E signed off at 3:36:66  
  
"Ra, I thank you for giving me the oppurtunity to severly punish the Game King for all he has put me through...."  
  
~  
  
SOTR: Sorry for all of that....  
  
Bakura: Why are you torturing me? I'm your favorite character!  
  
SOTR: I'm sorry!! Besides, Im not just torturing you, Yami is pretty bad off as well  
  
Yami: Don't you like me because of my hair though?  
  
SOTR: Well, yea, but come on! This is all for the sake of entertainment!  
  
Bakura: *whispers to Yami* Lets kill him  
  
Bakura and Yami pull out scimitars  
  
SOTR: (O_O) eep...uh....I um....S#%$  
  
~  
  
Next chapter will be Yami and Yugi talking to each other (Inspired by Aesa Bast). Bakura will fit in though....hehe....and scare a certain Hikari!  
  
Reviews are always appreciated! 


	6. Ra! Yugi's pottymoth exposed!

Next Chapter! I'm hoping it won't be as traumatizing as the last one....  
  
Thank you for reviewing:  
  
~ C.T. (Thanks for all your help and encouragement! You've been great!)  
  
~Wouldnt you like to know  
  
~nintendestined64  
  
~Deltalead  
  
~Chaosmage  
  
~DMG- Don't worry, I'll get Yami into that hotel.... or will I? Guess we all have to wait and find out  
  
Special thanks to Aesa Bast for inspiring this chapter  
  
Yugi has a pottymouth, be warned  
  
~  
  
( )...Yami to Yugi  
  
{ }....Yugi to Yami  
  
Bakura got up from his chair in the computer room. His job was done. Taking one last look at the desktop (hentai...) he went out to find the Pharaoh. A connection was about to be made between him and Yugi, and Bakura wanted to scare the young one and the Pharaoh again.  
  
His footsteps echoed down the quite hallway. Some of the doors he past emitted strange noises, but the Thief chose to ignore them and continue his trek. Finally, the familiar hair of the Pharaoh caught his eye. (Isn't Yami's hair awesome?) He was inside a room that was a couple doors away from the kitchen.  
  
Bakura crept up to the room and glanced inside; The door was left open. What he saw shocked him.  
  
"T.V. Cameras?!?! What the Bloody Hell?!?!" Yes its true, Yami uses T.V. cameras to project his image outside the puzzle.  
  
"No ancient magic? No sacrificial Ritual? No enchanted mirror?! Not even a mystical genie of a lamp!! Pharaoh, have you completely forgotten your heratige?!"  
  
Yami was already talking to Yugi while Bakura ranted about his modern equipment.  
  
(....and there was this *Klunk* noise, you know, the sound of someone's head hitting a metal door!!! Oh it was absolutely horrible!)  
  
{It's ok now Yami, the noise is gone now...your safe} "Jeez, what a shitty dark half, he's more of a coward than I am.  
  
{Yami, I want to ask you a question}  
  
(Ok Aibou, shoot)  
  
{Well....WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING?!?!}  
  
(Oh that, I found it in the laundry room. Its so soft and fluffy! (^_^) Also that reminds me aibou, I need to talk to you about some of the things I think we should wear from now on....)  
  
~  
  
Bakura was still listening. When Yugi asked about what he was wearing, Bakura remembered his unfortunate run in with Yami's washing machine. It also reminded him the Pharaoh was wearing his PINK sweater. Also, the infernal puzzle was quite chiily when you had no shirt to wear. The last thing Bakura needed was a bloody cold.  
  
~  
  
{ I don't think red works. Also I don't know if you should wear that shirt you stole from Malik, its like posing off of him. How'd you get it red anyways?}  
  
(Um...old egyptian secret)  
  
~  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHA" Bakura couldn't keep from laughing anymore. He was howling at the moment.  
  
~  
  
(O_O) (Holy Crap! Aibou did you hear that?)  
  
yugi: (O_O)  
  
(Aibou? AIBOU!? Oh Ra! The Satanic laugh got him!)  
  
{No you dumbass, I'm right here! But yea....I heard that....Yami, have you ever seen the Exorcist?}  
  
(What the hell are you talking about?)  
  
{Nevermind....}  
  
~  
  
*Awkward scilence*  
  
~  
  
{How's it going with your girlfriend?}  
  
(Girlfriend?!)  
  
{You know the one online?}  
  
(Oh...that. Well, She never lets me forget when I said that I loved her. I was freaking wasted at the time!! I think she is stalking me, seriously)  
  
{So you done with her?}  
  
(Probably, I still gotta tell her. Some thing about the screen name PinkPegsy4U and her calling me "Lover-boy" seems eeriely familiar....)  
  
{(O_O) Holy Fucking Mother Of Christ!)  
  
(Yugi...I thought you had your cussing problem under control...)  
  
{I'm working on it I swear, but I thinkI just saw that bastard Bakura!}  
  
(YUGI!....wait, Yugi-Bakura or Psycho Bakura?)  
  
{The bad one}  
  
~  
  
Bakura, using expert thief skills dived out of the room before Yami turned around. He was trying to get near Yami and cut him with his knife, but Yugi caught him. He would have to try again a little later...  
  
~  
  
(Aibou, maybe you should go to bed and get some sleep.)  
  
{Yami, I haven't even had dinner yet.}  
  
(What's your point?)  
  
{ -_-}  
  
(Yugi, are you sure your mind isn't playing tricks on you? I remember yesterday I thought I saw the Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland)  
  
{ (O_O) Again?! You saw that fucker again Yami?}  
  
(Don't call my friend a flunker! I'm sure the Rabbit never flunked anything! He's very smart!)  
  
{ (-_-) } Yugi then looked up and screamed ( )( ) { (O_O) AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!}  
  
(BBBBBBBBBBBEEEEE-  
  
-_- {Shut up and listen Yami}  
  
-EEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!)  
  
(Well, you started it)  
  
{I had good reason to scream}  
  
(Why is that?)  
  
{I swear I saw Yami Bakura mooning me!}  
  
(.......)  
  
(.......)  
  
(.......)  
  
(.......)  
  
(.......)  
  
(.......)  
  
{Yami I'm fucking serious!}  
  
(Stop cuss- oh whats the point.... Yugi, I'm going to only say this once. Please stop having hentai thoughts about the Tomb Rai-Robber!! I can understand a boy your age is becoming intrested in- )  
  
{ SHUT THE HELL UP! Yami....I think this conversation is over...}  
  
(No its not! I'm still talking! I thought you were smart!)  
  
{(-_-) Listen, I only wanted to make sure there were no ghost clowns, clown zombies, whatever.... you know, anything with you in the puzzle}  
  
(There are! But I am a brave and powerful Pharaoh, so all will be peaceful in my domain!)  
  
{ (O_O).....Right, but listen, I think that Bakura is seriously in the puzzle}  
  
(Can you imagine how he got there?)  
  
{When that drunk bastard Keith Howard (aka Bandit Keith) broke it-}  
  
(What an Ass Muffin)  
  
{ (Oo') Well anyways, I remember Bakura helping me with the pieces....he gave me back one piece after we finished collecting them all}  
  
(Why didn't you suspect anything then?!)  
  
{I thought he ran out of toilet paper this morning because he kept my piece behind his back before giving it back}  
  
(YOU LET THE TOMB ROBBER WIPE HIS ASS WITH MY PUZZLE?!?!?!?!)  
  
Bakura: (in thought) O_O Why the hell would I do a thing like that? Have you seen how sharp that thing is?  
  
{Well, first I thought it was Ryou, second he did save me from the wasted bastard.}  
  
(But still...my puzzle....)  
  
{I washed it when we got back home...}  
  
(Still though, thats dirty, you wear it everyday!)  
  
{....}  
  
~  
  
Bakura decided to leave. He was disgusted how the mind of the King of Games worked. He pulled his pants up (he was mooning Yugi! Perverts....) and walked away, but her made a very rude gesture in the room using his hand before leaving. Maybe he could find something to eat. Afterall, he emptied his stomach last chapter.  
  
~  
  
{(O_O) Yami, did you just finger me?}  
  
(First of all, your my Aibou! I would never do that to you! Second, your a dude, and a minor at that.... Third, I am only a ghost right now! I can't even touch you!! What the HELL made you think I got to third base with you?)  
  
{ Yami, you have a dirty mind you know that?}  
  
(You have a dirty mouth)  
  
{ (-_-) Still though, I could have sworn someone just gave me the finger...}  
  
(Aibou! Is your Grandpa doing things to you?!?! Is he touching you?!?!)  
  
{GOD DAMMIT YAMI!! Get your mind out of the gutter, I meant show me the middle finger!}  
  
(SOMEONE SHOWED YOU THEIR TROUSER SNAKE?!?!?!) (hehe, Jay and Slient Bob)  
  
{Yami....get this straight....in no way was I sexually assulted or molested, GOT THAT?!?!??!}  
  
(Alright.....)  
  
{.......}  
  
(.........)  
  
{........}  
  
(.........)  
  
{.......}  
  
(.........)  
  
{.......}  
  
(.........)  
  
{.......}  
  
(....But if someone touched you- )  
  
{GOD DAMMIT YAMI!!} Yugi cut off the connection after that.  
  
~  
  
Yami: Why do I seem as stupid as Joey in that chapter?  
  
Jounouchi: I'm not stupid!  
  
Yami: I said Joey!  
  
Yugi: My mouth...my semi-clean mouth.....  
  
Grandpa: I would never touch Yugi! And if I did, he would never tell anyone!  
  
Ryou and Bakura: WIPE OUR ASS WITH THE PUZZLE?!?!  
  
SOTR: _ everyone is pissed so I'm just gonna leave now  
  
Everyone: Don't let him get away! Sacrifice him to Ra!  
  
SOTR: O_O Fu-  
  
~  
  
Review on your way out would you?  
  
I started a new story! It's called D-MTV (Duel-Monsters Training Videos) Its based on Yami's tapes...so I guess it's not a real story....whatever. Check it out, ok?!  
  
~  
  
I don't know if I can write a new chapter this weekend. If I can't, then there will be a new chapter on Monday. Sorry!! 


	7. Friendship! Tea makes her Entrance!

Here it is...Chapter 7 re-typed....I am so tired....  
  
Thank you for being patient with me! Also, thank you to all those who reviewed! ^_^ (I would normally list everyone who reviewed as thanks and acknowledgement, but last time I did that my computer crashed....I'll do that again next chapter....)  
  
Special thanks to C.T. for the main idea and inspiring this chapter!  
  
~  
  
"DAMN! What is all this crap?!" Bakura was raiding the Pharaoh's kitchen. So far, he could only find various types of health foods. The unhealthiest thing he had come across so far was water!  
  
"Let's see, Super Slimfast.....Great Granola.....Outstanding Oatmeal.....fat-free Pikachu meat?!?!(O_O) I know I saw cookies in here before....i ate cookies in here before....where the hell are they....?" Bakura continued looking but the sudden approaching footsteps caught his attention quite well. He dove into a cabinet just as Yami entered the kitchen.  
  
"Damn Aibou always calling me paranoid and crazy....I'm just worried about his well being. I basically see myself when I look at him, except the whole psycho thrre-eyed thing I do sometimes. Also the whole thing with Penalty Games.... If someone was touching him, that's basically like there touching me! No one touches the Pharaoh!!!"  
  
Yami walked to the refridgerator and pulled out some carrots. For over six months, the Pharaoh had been seeing the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland all over the puzzle. (Its not Bakura, he's just been hallucinating) He put out carrots everyday to try to lure him out. Then, he could prove to Yugi that he wasn't crazy. Yami brought the carrots over to the sink to wash them. Yami then noticed his sponges were missing!  
  
"Damn! I just bought those sponges! The hell happened to them? They were so cool, they looked exactly like cookies!"  
  
"YOU BASTARD!! YOU LET ME EAT SPONGES!!!"  
  
(O_O) "The hell.....Oh yea! I never took them out of the cabinet."  
  
"I DID YOU CHILD MOLESTING BITCH!!!! THEN I ATE YOU'RE RA DAMN SPONGES!!!!"  
  
(O_O) "....Where is that voice comming from?"  
  
"RIGHT HERE YOU BAS-I mean its your imagination."  
  
"No its not"  
  
"Yes it is"  
  
"Is not"  
  
"Is too."  
  
"Is not"  
  
"Is too."  
  
"Is not"  
  
"Is too."  
  
"Is not"  
  
"Is too."  
  
"Is not"  
  
"Is too."  
  
"Is not"  
  
"Is too."  
  
Yami then approached the cabinet that generated the voice. Bakura knew this so he put his head between his legs and curled into fetal position. Maybe if he couldn't see the Pharaoh, the Pharaoh couldn't see him. Inside Bakura knew he would be discovered. It was all over for him. He and the Pharaoh were about to have their last battle....  
  
Yami approached the cabinet. He opened the door and let out a yelp. (O_O) "Holy Crap!" This is it, its all over, thought Bakura.  
  
"I finally found you! My little bunny friend! Thought you could get away!"  
  
(Oo') " I get it now, the Pharaoh has mistaken my hair for a rabbit. I may just escape here unnoticed."  
  
Yami bent down and began stroking the Bunny and shoving carrots in it.  
  
"I'm going to kill him....." muttered Bakura, shaking with rage.  
  
"Ok little bunny, you stay right here while I get the shotgun! Tonight I ain't eating healthy!" Yami then walked away.  
  
"(O_O) FUCK!!!" Bakura darted out and ran away as fast as possible. He brushed the carrots out of his hair and then continued down the hall. He was far away from the kitchen anyways. For the first time, Bakura felt very lonely. He had no one to talk to. Ryou was not here for him. He also hated to admit it, but there was one girl he had his eye on for a while. Going this long without seeing her was absolute hell for him. He then noticed for the first time the room next to him was emmiting music. He opened the door and walked inside.  
  
(O_O) Bakura then fell to the floor in a dead faint.  
  
~  
  
"Wake up.....wake up....."  
  
"The hell?!" Bakura lept to his feet, ready to punch whoever was there. He finally focused and realized he was staring face to face with.....Tea?!  
  
"Holy crap its the Pharaoh's bitch! How is it that you can exist in the Sennen Puzzle?"  
  
"Hehe! You're funny! What's your name?"  
  
"You mean you don't remember me? I am Bakura, the King of Thieves!" Despite his arrogant tone, Bakura was crestfallen at the fact Tea did not remember who he was. Did everyone, including Her really forget about him in about a month's time?  
  
"Hi! I'm Tea!"  
  
"Tea...the hell are you doing in the Puzzle?  
  
"Silly goose! I live here!"  
  
*anime fall* "How can that be? Also, never EVER call me any sort of bird!! You do that again and I'll kill you!! I'll kill you dead!!" (Right....)  
  
The room was of fair size. Unlike other rooms, this one was decorated in purple. Here and there a pink flower was splashed on. There were little Shining Friendships(a card) flying around the room and also the music he heard before was "Shuffle."  
  
"Well, I just woke up here one day! Yammers (O_O) was the first person I met. He told me that he has met many people. Also, every person he meets and considers them a friend or enemy will get their own room in his house! I am what Yammers thinks I am. I act how he thinks I act. The Puzzle lets my personality take a form inside the Puzzle. (If thats too confusing, e- mail me and I'll try to explain it better.)  
  
"So your saying your just part of the Puzzle's magic?" Bakura was relieved and dissapointed at the same time to learn this was not the real Tea.  
  
"I guess! I like magic!"  
  
"Wow...the Pharaoh must think Tea is really dumb." Bakura said in thought. Then, he spoke up.  
  
"Just my luck, I enter a 5,000 year old puzzle and I come across a dumb Brunette..."  
  
"My name isn't Brunette! Its Tea!"  
  
(-_-) Well, its been a pleasure talking to you, but I really must be on my way." Bakura turned around and then suddenly....SPLAT! A Shining Friendship flew right into his face!  
  
"Ra Damn I hate that Fucking card......" he muttered.  
  
"Wait! You can't go!" Said Tea  
  
"Why not, no mortal tells me what to do!"  
  
"Well, if you leave, I can't give you my 'special' performance." She winked when she said special.  
  
(O_O)" Ok, I'll stay! Tell me, will this performance be stimulating and exotic?" Asked Bakura grinning. He knew a slap was comming, but he didn't care.  
  
"Oh yes, very stimulating and exotic" said Tea seductively.  
  
(O_O) "THANK YOU RA!!" Tea grabbed Bakura's arm and led him over to a Happy Lover chair. Bakura was very excited that Tea was going to "perform" for him.  
  
"Let me just put on some more appropriate music for the occasion." said Tea, taking out "Shuffle" and putting in another CD Bakura didn't see. Frankly, he didn't care! He was going to get a lap dance from the girl he lo-wait.....did he love her?  
  
"Na, I'm just going to get entertained by this girl. I'm just using her...." He said it but he didn't believe it.  
  
"Ok, are you ready my little Baku?" Tea whispered.  
  
His hormones took over. He just wanted to see this beauty naked. He didn't even care that she now had a pet name for him, Baku. "Hell yea I'm ready!"  
  
The music turned on and it was the song Tea sings on the american YuGiOh Cd. (My brother owns it (_)  
  
Bakura: (O_O)  
  
Tea started talking. "Friends are the most important thing in the world. We can accomplish anything through the power of friendship! For example, I remember this one time, at band camp-"  
  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!"  
  
Tea blinked at him in confusion. Then, she smiled and said, "I'm performing for you!"  
  
"But....I thought you would strip for me...."  
  
"Who would want to see that?" She asked, oblivious to the fact she was talking to someone who has gone without sex for 5,000 years.  
  
"You said it would be stimulating and exotic!" He shouted, pointing a finger at her.  
  
"Well, these speeches always give Yammers the energy he needs! He gets so excited whenever I give them! I'm just practicing this one on you before I give it to him!"  
  
(Oo') "Well....how's it exotic then?"  
  
"Well, if you didn't interupt my speech, a little later I would have said 'Gato' in it! Gato is Spanish for cat! Spanish is very exotic!"  
  
*Sweatdrop* "Well, if that's your performance I really must go." Bakura did like how she was always so supportive, but he was still evil, and no one evil (or sane) would want to hear a friendship speech. He darted to the door but it was locked. "Oh Fuck...."  
  
"Looking for these?" Tea was holding the keys to the door. On her face she wore an expression that would have fit Yami Malik perfectly. "SIT DOWN BITCH AND LISTEN TO MY SPEECH!!"  
  
(O_O') Bakura just stood there in shock of what Tea had said. He also didn't notice Tea had walked over there with a chair and a roll of ducktape. Bakura came to his senses as soon as Tea finished taping him to the chair.  
  
"LET ME GO YOU CRAZY BITCH!!"  
  
"No! in fact, before I start my speech I will teach you some respect. First of all, my name isn't 'bitch' its Tea, now you try.  
  
"YOU BITCH!! UNTIE ME THIS INSTANT!!!!!!"  
  
*SLAP!*  
  
Bakura: (X_O)  
  
SAY MY NAME BITCH!!"  
  
"MAKE ME!!"  
  
*WHACK!*  
  
Bakura: (X_X)  
  
"SAY MY NAME!!!"  
  
"NO, I WILL NOT GIVE YOU THE SATISFACTION!!"  
  
Tea then pulled out a big book. It was labeled, "Big Book of Friendship Speeches. By Tea Gardner."  
  
(O_O) TEA! Tea! Just don't read from the book!" Tea returned to her normal smiling self and was now laughing happily.  
  
"Does that mean your ready for my speech?"  
  
"....yes...."  
  
~  
  
6 hours later...  
  
~  
  
...and that's how elephants and artichokes can work together to overthrow the President of the United States! Through friendship!"  
  
(O_O) Bakura was traumatized for life. When Tea untied him, he just slowly walked to the corner and huddled there in fetal position. He was so shocked he didn't even notice when Tea was changing her clothes or practicing her dance moves in those mini-skirts....  
  
Finally about 3 hours later, Tea approached the Thief. "Hey Baku....are you alright?"  
  
"Tea...DON'T EVER CALL ME BAKU!!!! YOU DO THAT AGAIN AND I WILL MAKE YOU SUFFER FOR ETERNITY!!!!" All his rage was let out right there. He really didn't want to yell at her, but the build up of the speech and 'Baku' was just too much.  
  
Tea just laughed. "You can't make me suffer for eternity! I can't even leave this room and I doubt you want to stay here for all eternity!"  
  
"I guess your right then....hey, tell me this, if you can't leave, what about the bathroom and stuff?"  
  
"I do it in that corner you were laying in!"  
  
(O_O) "I think its time I leave...."  
  
"Ok Baku! Please come back soon!"  
  
"Yea....soon...." Bakura walked to the door but when he opened it, he saw Yami at the end of the hallway, walking their direction.  
  
"SHIT!" He ran back into the room.  
  
"Baku! You're back!"  
  
"Please Tea, you must help me! Yammer-I mean Yami can't know I am here! You must hide me!"  
  
"Ok, on one condition!"  
  
"Sure, anything!"  
  
"You must tell me why its important to have friends!"  
  
".....What?"  
  
"TELL ME NOW BITCH!"  
  
(O_O) "OK! ok....let's see....you can use them as scape goats when you get caught tomb robbing! They also make great sacrifices to the Gods when you run out of farm animals"  
  
*Sweatdrop* "I guess that works....ok! You hide under this podium until Yammers is gone." (The podium is where Tea performs her speeches for Yami)  
  
"Thank you Tea! You're an angel!" Before he knew what he was doing, he pulled her into a tight hug and then he kissed her! (Yay Bakura!) After he realized it, he pulled away in shock. The two lovebirds just stared at each other for a while. (I'm a big Tea X Bakura fan!)  
  
"Tea you ho! Get my speech ready! It's time to ta-ta-ta-talk! (Had to make fun of that at least once) Yami had interupted thier moment.  
  
"I guess you better hide" said Tea, still blushing.  
  
"Alright...." Bakura was blushing as well. He was also rubbing the back of his head nervously, still not believing what he had just done.  
  
"Please visit me again"  
  
"I will"  
  
With one last look at each other, Bakura went under the podium as soon as Yami walked through the door. Yami and Tea proceded to make small talk.  
  
"How are you Yammers?"  
  
"Alright...just tired."  
  
"Um....I love your sweater!"  
  
"Yea, I found it in the laundry room! I love it! My little bitch of an Aibou doesn't though."  
  
"Why is he a bitch?"  
  
"He keeps yelling at me and making me feel stupid. All I did was ask if someone was molesting him, and he goes nuts on me! I should be the one who is mad! He let the Tomb Robber use my puzzle for toilet paper!!!!"  
  
"Oh....who's the Tomb Robber?"  
  
"Ryou Bakura....RYOU FUCKING BAKURA!!!! I CURSE THAT NAME!! MAY ANUBIS EMERGE AND PASS JUDGEMENT ON HIM SO HE CAN BURN IN HELL!!!!"  
  
~  
  
~Elsewhere  
  
Ryou just finished baking a cake. He was taking off his apron when suddenly his kitchen burst into flames and Anubis emerged.  
  
"Oh my! It seems I may be in a spot of trouble!  
  
"RYOU BAKURA! IT IS TIME FOR YOUR FINAL JUDGEMENT!!!!"  
  
(O_O) "Oh Crap"  
  
~Back in the Puzzle  
  
~  
  
"I like Baku! He is a great kisser!"  
  
(O_O)"......What?"  
  
"Um....nothing!"  
  
"Right...so, should we begin?"  
  
"Yea."  
  
Bakura was still hiding. He didn't know what they were going to begin. He tried to think of something but then a loud noise interrupted his thoughts.  
  
The friendship song started blaring and the truth dawned on Bakura.....  
  
(O_O) "I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THAT FUCKING SPEECH AGAIN?!?!?!?!?! SSSHHHHIIIIIIIIIII-"  
  
"Friends are the most important thing in the world. We can accomplish anything through the power of friendship!.....  
  
~  
  
SOTR: Poor Baku....  
  
Bakura: Don't fucking call me that!!  
  
Tea: You know how hard it is to write fresh material in every speech? Its damn hard!!!!  
  
SOTR: You think we can end this chapter without you guys killing me?  
  
T&B: Yea, I guess so  
  
Bakura: You werent that mean to me in this chapter anyways....  
  
SOTR: Hehe, you're only letting me go because you two kissed!  
  
T&B: BOIL HIM IN OIL!!!!!  
  
SOTR: Crap  
  
~  
  
Sorry again for my computer erasing this chapter earlier! Please review! ^_^ 


	8. Outrageous! Arrival of the Demonic Frien...

~  
  
~  
  
~  
  
*PLESE READ* This might be my last chapter for a while. My Girlfriend just broke up with me. She just got back from vacation and she was kind of depressed about stuff.....well, I won't bore you with the details. I'll need a while to gather my thoughts......I just need some time. Don't worry, the chapter was written before the break-up so I think it should be just as good as any other. I apologize and hope I can get back into the laughing mood soon. Don't worry though.....I'll recover soon enough  
  
~  
  
In the mean time, I'll start on my next story called Yin and Yang. It is romance and angst and features a BakuraxTea pairing. My first non-humor fic.  
  
Here is the next chapter. Thank you to-  
  
~Wildwolf  
  
~fOX-SPIRIT AKA Y.V (Thank you for making this one of your favorite stories ^_^)  
  
~Deltalead  
  
~C.T. (I think I'll wait until next chapter to do that. Good suggestion)  
  
~HotaruMaxwell (Yea, Ryou did but just barely. He lost some serious points for cussing in front of Anubis...)  
  
Thanx to C.T. for inspiring Yugi's room.  
  
~ Chapter......start!  
  
~  
  
Bakura was in a daze when he left Tea's room. She occupied his thoughts completely. The only things he thought about before was dystroying the world, getting the Millenium Items, and also the occasional killing. He decided what to do next...  
  
Bakura decided to go to the Two-way Room and see what the Pharaoh and his Aibou were talking about at the moment. He arrived there and found the Pharaoh and his Aibou deep in conversation. The King of Games was sobbing uncontrollably for some reason.  
  
"....and then she told me she wasn't a woman, but a man!" Yami wailed. "I feel so dirty!!!!"  
  
"So this person you were hitting on at Burgerworld was actually a man? HAHAHAHA!!!! Yami, you are one sick son of a bit-" (In this, Yami can make a body for himself seperate from Yugi if he wants to)  
  
"I should not have turned to you for sympathy, should I?"  
  
"Nope (^_^).......Well, at least you still have your online 'lover'"  
  
"That doesn't help Aibou."  
  
"Hehe....ok then, why don't we go off to find some duels? It will let us all get some fresh air and take your mind off of...that."  
  
"*Sniff*....Thanks, you always make things better....I don't know what I would do without you"  
  
"Yami, I'm not gay you know (-_-)"  
  
"Aibou, I'm not a gay either!!! Also, I'm not a homophobe like some people."  
  
"............................................."  
  
"Whatever, I'll meet you in at the Junction (The hallway between their two sould rooms.) now, ok?"  
  
"Yami, just because I said I wasn't gay doesn't mean I am a homo-"  
  
"NOW!"  
  
"fine...."  
  
Yami walked out of the room and for once, the Tomb Robber was going to follow him. He planned to go into Yugi's room now! He hoped he would fnd some intresting things about them that weren't gross or dealed with animals. He is a thief, so it was no problem to follow Yami unnoticed. They got to the hallway. Yugi was already waiting there.  
  
"I'M SERIOUSLY NOT A HOMOPHOBE!!"  
  
"Yea....then prove it!"  
  
"Yami, I am friends with Tristin"  
  
"Guess you made your point Aibou"  
  
"Are you ready to go Yami?"  
  
"Of course! LET'S DUEL!!"  
  
"(-_-) Please stop doing that"  
  
"I can't. They pay me to (^_^)"  
  
"....bitch"  
  
"What was that Aibou?"  
  
(O_O)"....I said lets DITCH this place and duel!"  
  
"Yay! afterwords, can we get ice cream?^_^"  
  
"Only if you promise that you can work off all those calories and fat that you get from it!"  
  
"....Nevermind...." The two walked away and Bakura could now emerge. He walked over into Yugi's room and went inside.  
  
(O_O) "HOLY CRAP!" Everything was so innocent! Stuffed animals and colorful objects littered the floor. Bakura also noticed it was one room, unlike Yami's side which had many.  
  
"Damn, Yugi's room sucks." He went over and sat on the bed. When he did, several magazines between the matress fell out!"  
  
"Sluts of the Dueling World?!?!"Bakura read aloud, "Yugi is not as innocent as we all once thought! Might as well take a look at this though....." he added, smirking.  
  
(O_O)".....Wow....Mai is flexable....VERY Flexable." Bakura put that magazine down and picked up another one. Yugi's porno stash was VERY big. He had like 50 magazines under his matress!!  
  
"Erotic Cards, let's take a look at this." He opened the magazine and his jaw dropped. Inside were various drawings of Duel Monster girls nude and posing.  
  
"DAMN!! I did not know my Change of Heart looked like that!!" He continued flipping through the pages. "HOLY SHIT!!! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO MY DARK NECROPHIA?!?!?! YOU WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO DARK MAGICIAN GIRL, WOULD YOU?!?!?!?!" (Disturbing thoughts right there....)  
  
Bakura put the magazine down in horror and went to explore Yugi's room some more. He opened his closet and....BAM! He was buried in Porno magazines!! He got up and picked one up, shocked that the Young One was more horny than the Pharaoh and himself put together!  
  
"How to use photoshop! Edit your pictures to make your friends appear naked!"(O_O) He looked down and true to the title, several pictures of Serenity were on the floor and had been rendered nude by the Raging Hentai.  
  
"I AM OUT OF HERE!!!!" He ran back to Yami's side and sat down on the stone steps. Then he got an evil idea. A grin spread over his face and he walked out of the room. He was about to take part in Yugi's duel.....  
  
~  
  
"Well Joey, it appears I win again!" The whole gang was at KaibaLand. They were enjoying an afternoon of leisure and relaxation. Yami had just obtained a new card by dueling a mysterious new person the other day, and they were just having fun at the moment. By the way, Tristen left early because he crapped his pants when Yugi's summoned Kuriboh. It gave him quite a scare.  
  
"Stupid Yugi with his stupid Pharaoh...."  
  
"Actually, Yami wasn't helping me that time! He said he would sit back and watch!"  
  
"Damn it....I got an idea! Hey bitch, get over here"  
  
*WHACK!!!!*  
  
Joey: (X_O)  
  
"IT'S TEA!!! Now, what were you saying?"  
  
"Um....how 'bout you and Yami duel! I want to see what that will be like."  
  
"Sure, I guess so! Yugi, can you let Yami help you in this duel?"  
  
"WHY DOESN'T ANYONE THINK I CAN DUEL ON MY OWN?!?!"  
  
(O_O)"No...I just want you two to work together....."  
  
"Oh, ok." Yugi proceded in transforming and his and the Pharaoh's spirit became one. Also, just because their spirits become one doesn't mean they have sex (hehehe, had to add that in)  
  
"Alright Tea, lets duel!" Before they could even draw their cards, Joey interrupted.  
  
"Yugi! You just went through puberty! Its about time!"  
  
"NO I DIDN'T I JUST TRANSFORMED!!!"  
  
"But your voice...and your height...."  
  
"All part of the transformation I assure you."  
  
"What about the way you keep looking at Tea's boobs?  
  
(O_O)' "....I....uh....."  
  
*WHACK!!!!*  
  
Yami: (X_X)  
  
Joey: *smirking* "Who knew Tea had such a strong slap? Or that Yami had such a glass jaw?"  
  
"Let's just get on with this duel..." muttered Tea.  
  
~  
  
Yami: 4000 Tea:4000  
  
(Hey, Aibou, let me take this duel on my own, it should be no problem.)  
  
{Go ahead, be my guest Yami.} Said Yugi mentally, sitting back to watch the duel. He just wouldn't be working with Yami, he was still going to watch.  
  
Yami: For my first move, I summon Kuriboh in attack mode! Wait! No I don't!  
  
Tea: Too late! Thank you for giving me a head start, but you really don't have to help me out!  
  
Yami: Yea....help you out......  
  
Tea: I attack with Shining Friendship! Go!  
  
The Shining Friendship flew up to the Kuriboh, and started talking about friendship. The Kuriboh pulled out a knife and killed himself. Yami:3000  
  
Yami:.....ok....I'll make a comeback! For my next move, I'll summon the Beaver Warrior in attack mode!  
  
Tea: That's weaker than my monster!  
  
Yami: Not once I power up YOUR monster with Horn of the Unicorn!  
  
Tea: .....why would you do that?  
  
Yami: HOLY FUCK!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!  
  
~  
  
What was wrong was Bakura was taking over for brief periods of time, just long enough to play certain cards and give certain commands.....This was gong to be one interesting duel. He had a lot of experience at taking over a vessel whenever he felt like it, so not even the Pharaoh could stop him.  
  
~  
  
Tea: Oh well, go Shining Friendship! Use your new horn!  
  
The Fairy flew over to the Beaver and shoved the horn right up its ass!!!! The beaver exploded after that. Yami: 2200 Tea:4000  
  
Everyone: (O_O) That looked painful.....  
  
Tea:...I finish my turn by laying one card face down.  
  
Yami: Finally! I will now end this duel! First I summon Elven Swordsman! Then, I use the the Atlanitian Dragon! I activate Eye of Timaeus! (Part of the new arc after Battle City) Go Timaeus! Power up the Shining Friendship!.....WAIT, NO! SHIT!!!!!!!  
  
The dragon fused with the Fairy and the results were devestating. The fairy now had fiery red eyes and the horn on top of his head was now surging with electricity. There was fire behind the Shining Friendship, giving it a very demonic appearance.....Yami had just created a new card.  
  
Tea: Um....thanks Yami......what should I call this?  
  
Yami: *Banging his head on the table* Demonic *BANG* Friendship *BANG*  
  
Bakura: *Laughing his ass off*  
  
Tea: Demonic Friendship? Ok.....Um......go take that Elf down.....  
  
There was only a flash of light but when everyone could see again, the Elf was gone. Yami:100 Tea: 4000  
  
Yami: Ok, I will win! I believe in the Heart of the Cards!  
  
Tea: Crap....thats so much more annoying that my speeches, and yet no one hates Yugi......  
  
Yami drew his card and looked at it in suprise  
  
Tea: Did you get what you needed?  
  
Yami: YES! I KNEW I WOULDN'T LOSE!!!! I NEVER LOSE!!!! I ALWAYS TRU-  
  
Tea and Joey: JUST PLAY THE DAMN CARD!!!!  
  
Yami: (O_O) I summon Valkyrion, the Manga Warrior by sacrificing the three magnet warriors from my hand!  
  
Suddenly, a huge monster appeared and confronted the Demonic Friendship. The two were staring each other down.  
  
Yami: I now play Tribute to the Doomed! I can dystroy one monsters on the field now! Dystroy Valkyrion! (O_O) WAIT!!!!!  
  
It was too late, Valkyrion was dystroyed and Tea could freely attack his lifepoints.  
  
Yami: WHAT THE HELL?!?!!? NOOOOOOOO!!!! I CAN'T LOSE!!!!  
  
Tea: Wow! I guess it seems I have beaten the King of Games!  
  
Yami: *Tear* Its not fair....  
  
Tea: Go Demonic Friendship! Attack his lifepoints directly! End this duel!!  
  
The blinding light happened again and by the time everyone could see, the holograms had already dissapeared.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yami was on the ground, screaming in pain and holding his ass....  
  
Tea and Joey: Yugi, are you ok?!  
  
Yami: That DEMONIC FRIENDSHIP gave me the most painful experience of my life!!!!!!!  
  
T&J: How so?  
  
Yami: You know that horn? HE SHOVED IT UP MY ASS!!!!!! AN ELECTRIC HORN JAMMED UP MY RECTUM!!!!! I GOT RAPED BY A FRIENDSHIP CARD!!!!! (Ouch!)  
  
T&J: (O_O)  
  
*Awkward silence*  
  
Joey: So Tea, Does this mean your the new Game Champion?  
  
Tea: Of course not! He wasn't even trying, were you Yami?  
  
Yami: I was trying my hardest! He said this while he was still on the ground, rolling in pain and clutching his rear.  
  
*Kaiba then entered the arena*  
  
Kaiba: I just saw that duel! Tea, that was amazing! You beat the Game King!! It is official, you are the new Queen of Games!  
  
Yami: Its not fair.....ow!  
  
Tea: Well....I don't want that title.  
  
Kaiba: Ok, I'll take the title then! (^_^)  
  
*WHACK!!*  
  
Kaiba: (X_O) Ok, Yami can have it....  
  
Yami: Yes....I'm Game.....King again.....Hurrah!.....SHIT THAT HURTS!!  
  
"You might want to see our medical team about your injury." said a smirking Kaiba.  
  
Yami: .....  
  
The gang waited around KaibaLand talking with friends while Yami was getting tretment. (I won't go into his treatment....) By the time he was done, it was time for everyone to go home. Yami decided he didn't want any ice cream (He already had some ASS cream!), so they just went back to the Kame Game Shop. Bakura had already retreated back to Yami's end of the puzzle, still laughing his head off.  
  
"Aibou, I am sorry I lost that duel, I don't know what happenend to me"  
  
"Yami, you don't need to apologize, I forgive you."  
  
"Wow! Really?"  
  
"Yep, I think getting an electric unicorn horn shoved up your ass is punishment enough! (^_^)"  
  
(-_-) "Well, good night then Aibou"  
  
"Goodnight Yami." The two went to their seperate rooms. As soon as Yami entered his, he heard Yugi scream "OH SHIT!!!"  
  
"Aibou! I'm comming!" He entered Yugi's room and found porno magazines scattered around the floor. Yugi had tripped on one upon entering. He screamed and landed face first into one of the open magazines.  
  
"You could knock next time."  
  
"Aibou....."  
  
"I know Yami, I know, it's not right to have all of these. I'm sorry."  
  
"What are you talking about?!?! I'm so proud!!!! You've finally become a man!!!! You're not afraid of girls anymore!"  
  
"(O_O) Right......does that mean I'm not in trouble?"  
  
"Of course not! Do you mind if I stay here tonight? I haven't seen some of these before." Said Yami, picking up a photo of a nude Isis, eyeing it carefully.  
  
"Sure! It will be fun! We can stay up all night reading Porno!"  
  
"Aibou. I think we finally agree on something." (THEY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO EACH OTHER!!!!! Sorry all YugixYami fans)  
  
~  
  
Bakura:(O_O)....Well, at least I get to sleep in Yami's bed tonight. Its much better than the couch.  
  
~ End chapter!  
  
Yugi: I don't look at porn! Really, I don't! WHY DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?!?!  
  
SOTR: No one is disagreeing with you  
  
Yugi:.....  
  
Bakura: Wow, I got like no torture this chapter! Score!  
  
Tea: And I became Queen of Games!  
  
SOTR: Well, I'm going to end this, since everyone is happy an-*BANG!*  
  
SOTR: (X_X) *Dead*  
  
Yami: *Puts away gun* That will teach him to mess with my title....................................................................... .....................................and my ass  
  
~  
  
Please review ^_^ 


	9. Return! The Pharaoh's Faithful Pet

I'm back! Thank you for your patience and support in my time of need!  
  
Mahalo for reviewing-  
  
~Slyfer  
  
~Deltalead  
  
~Jennilyn Maxwell  
  
~fOX-SPIRIT AKA Y.V  
  
~Maria Christina  
  
~WildBlackWolf  
  
~C.T.  
  
~Smarty1  
  
~Maho Shojo  
  
~Dragona 2007  
  
~Setoluvr  
  
~Ice-Spirit Phoenix  
  
~WindShine  
  
~A.K.A. Talentless  
  
~Vegeta-is-forgotten  
  
~terra  
  
I guess people do like this story. Now its time to start the highly anticipated, Chapter 9!!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"....no....not pink.....NOT PINK! AAAHHHHHH!!!!!" Bakura woke up drenched in sweat. Nightmares were an uncommon thing for him, but spending time with Yami can disturb anyone's dreams. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he looked around and remembered he was in Yami's unoccupied room at the moment.  
  
"DAMN! I AM NEVER SPENDING ANOTHER NIGHT WITH MY AIBOU!!!"  
  
"Crap! he's back!" Bakura jumped off the bed and rolled underneath. Last thing he neded was for the King of Games to find the White-haired Thief in his bed. He watched the Pharaoh come into his chambers. Yami was in a very tired state, as usual.  
  
"Well, if I stayed up all night looking at porn I would be tired as well." Bakura muttered to himself. Underneath the bed was a pertty decent amount of dust.  
  
Yami walked over to his drawers trying to find something. Bakura heard him muttering under his breath.  
  
"Gods it really hurts! (O_O) I kept it straight all night and now i can't put it down! Yugi even gave it a few good rubs! It felt great, but it didn't help. I gotta get rid of this quickly...."  
  
"........................................................................... ............................................................"  
  
He saw Yami then walk over to a chair. He tried to sit down, but then.......  
  
"HOLY SIHT!!!" The Tri-colored hair bobbled up as Yami lept to his feet in pain. He glared at the chair with anger and disgust.  
  
"Also because of yesterday, I can't sit down anymore!!!  
  
(O___________________________________________________________________O)  
  
Ah, i found it! The rubbing cream! This should relieve me!"  
  
"Oh dear Ra......" Bakura was scared  
  
"Just rub a little on.........oh yea............thats it............."  
  
"Oh shit............." Now Bakura was terrified  
  
"Oh yea.....that feels so good. OH YES!!"  
  
(O______________________________________________________________________O)  
  
Now Bakura was scarred for life.  
  
"Well i'd better get cleaned up now, don't want to leave a mess."  
  
"That was so wrong on so many levels." Just then, Yami came back into the room with paper towels, it seemed the Tomb Robber had to stay for a little longer.  
  
"Well, I'm glad I finally got to putting anti-bacterial cream on my paper cut! It was really soothing. Worst part is I cut myself on the joint of my finger! I couldn't bend it all night!"  
  
*Anime fall from Bakura*  
  
"Jeez, I can't even sit down now because I got sodomized by a friendship card....................................................which felt pretty good actually.......Hope this doesn't mean I'm gay"  
  
-_- *BIG-ASS SWEATDROP*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Thank Ra I'm out of there....what to do next?" The Tomb Robber finally got out of Yami's room when the Pharaoh passed out of his bed (face down, still can't lay on his butt). The paper cut kept him awake all night long. The hallways were empty like normal. You would think Yami could put up some decorative wall paper or something. Suddenly. a familiar urgency overtook Bakura.  
  
"Oh Gods! I really need to take a piss! Where did that bathroom go?" Well, normally when you wake up in the morning, bathroom is always first thing on the to-do list. Bakura headed back to the restroom he saw earlier.  
  
"Ok....here it is." He opened the door and stepped inside.  
  
"Ah! The toilet!" The Thief dashed over there, unzipped his pants, and well.......you know.......  
  
"Ah, I just released the Nile! Its washing away all the crops! Yea!!!"(O_O) Now, the relieved Bakura zipped up his pants and flushed the toilet. The only problem was, the toilet didn't flush.....  
  
"Hmmm, the water isn't going doen in the normal swirly circle." Bakura flushed a couple more times, but the water just got higher.  
  
"This isn't right....this isn't right at all......" Suddenly, the water level got way too high. The water started leaking out and dampening the floor.  
  
O_O "No.....cut that out! Halt your rising! Oh shit!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" The Thief ran out of the bathroom and slammed the door, hoping the rising water would stop on its own.........  
  
He leaned against the wall and sat down. Bakura just broke the only toilet in the puzzle, now where was he going to do his business?  
  
WOOF! WOOF!!  
  
O_O "The hell was that?"  
  
WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!  
  
"The Pharaoh has a dog?"  
  
WOOF! Bakura decided to follow the barking to its source. He began his trek down the hall. The noise steadily grew louder and louder until he was outside the room where the sound originated from.....  
  
"Well, I guess I should go inside....." Bakura walked in and was immediately tackled!  
  
"HELP!! HELP!!! CUJO IS ABOUT TO KILL ME!!!!!"  
  
BARK! GGGRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!  
  
Bakura managed to throw it off him and then got to his feet. He turned around to face the beast, ready to kill.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Bakura's P.O.V.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
O__O "JOEY?!?!"  
  
Yes, that's right. I had found Joey's special room in Yami's Puzzle. He was wearing a dog suit at the moment. Right now he was on all fours, barking viciously at me for some reason......  
  
"You know my name?"  
  
"Why the hell are you barking at me?"  
  
"Cause I'm a dog!"  
  
"The hell?" What was going on here? Tea's words floated back to me.....everyone was as Yami envisioned them. I guess the Pharaoh had been talking to Kaiba too much........  
  
"If your a dog, why are you speaking with out permission?"  
  
"Shit! Your right! I'm sorry!"  
  
-_- "Dumbass"  
  
"I don't know, your ass looks pretty smart to me."  
  
"Gods, you're a bitch, you know that?"  
  
"I'm pretty sure I'm a guy dog. Yami will take to get neutered soon. What is neutered?"  
  
O____________________________________________________________________O  
  
"Um.........its like a doctor's appointment. Sometimes they have to ammputate certain parts"  
  
"Wow! I hope I'm healthy and can keep all my parts!"  
  
"I doubt that......" Ra he was stupid.  
  
"So, what brings you to my dog house?"  
  
"Well, I heard barking and decided to check it out."  
  
"Oh, ok, what was it?"  
  
-__-  
  
My stomach gave a rumble. The only thing I have eaten so far was a pack of sponges. It wasn't very filling.(hehe, that would suck) I was freaking starving.  
  
"Say......do you have anything to eat?  
  
"Oh yea! Just give me a second!" Dog-boy ran away and dove into a closet. A second later he came back, pulling along some food.....  
  
"Joey, this is dog food"  
  
"So?"  
  
"I'm not a dog"  
  
"Really? I though-"  
  
"DID I SAY YOU CAN SPEAK?!?!?!"  
  
"Whoops! Sorry again!"  
  
"Just go sit in the corner, I need to think."  
  
The Mutt walked to the corner and crouched there. If he had a tail, I'm sure it would have been tucked in between his legs. I rubbed my temples. I wonder how long I have been in here. Maybe about 3 days. Had it only been 3 days?  
  
"Um.....can I come out now?"  
  
"I don't care, and from now on call me master"  
  
"Thank you master!!" Joey was so happy he ran up to Bakura and started licking his face!  
  
SSSSSSLLLLLUUUUURRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
O______________________________________________________________________O  
  
"Oh Ra.......did you just lick me?"  
  
"Yep! ^_^ Puppy kisses!"  
  
"Oh Gods I'm going to be sick........"  
  
"What do you want me to do master?"  
  
"Get a trashcan so I can throw up."  
  
"Will do!" He came back dragging a trashcan with his teeth.  
  
"Here you go! Hope you enjoy it"  
  
I didn't even answer him, I just bent over and began puking in it. After about 30 seconds, I got up and wiped off my mouth  
  
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST FUCKING LICKED ME!!!!!!"  
  
"What, I lick Yami all the time! I also sniff at his crouch! Can I sniff yours?"  
  
O______________________________________________________________________O  
  
"Oh Ra.....a fresh wave is comming!" I bent over and started puking again.  
  
"Your boring, all you do is look into trashcans." I finally could look up.  
  
"Well, its your fault"  
  
"HEY, LET'S PLAY!!!!!!" Hehe, Kaiba would have been so at home here.  
  
"Ok, do you have a ball?"  
  
"Gimme a second......GAAAHHH......EEEHHHHH........AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! There we go!"  
  
O_______________________________________________O  
  
"Why was the ball up your ass?"  
  
"How would I know? I'm just a dog."  
  
"Do you have a clean ball?"  
  
"Oh, you want a clean one!" He scammpered back to his closet and pulled out a fresh case of tennis balls.  
  
"Ok, FETCH!!" I threw the ball at his face.  
  
"YAY!! I CAUGHT IT!!!"  
  
"No....its just stuck in your face......"  
  
"But I still caught it!!"  
  
-__-  
  
"Ok, now lets do something else!"  
  
"Jeez, do you have ADD or something?"  
  
"No, but I have fleas ^_^"  
  
"Life must be pretty boring for you, huh?"  
  
"No, theres never a dull moment when your a dog!"  
  
"Why are you so happy anyways?"  
  
"I don't know. Most dogs are, right?"  
  
"Listen, I'm gonna go take a nap. Don't wake me unless someone comes along, ok?"  
  
"Sure, no problem!"  
  
I walked over to a corner and layed down. I guess the lack of food was really starting to get to me. I may be a spirit, but I still need to eat! Well, ever since I got my own body anyways. I wonder what Tea is up to right now........the thought occupied my head as I slowly drifted off to sleep.  
  
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"No....stop it.........." Something wet was hitting me. "Cut it out......." I opened one eye slowly, then the other. Joey was standing right over me and his leg was raised........  
  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
"What does it look like? I'm peeing."  
  
"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU PEEING ON ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"  
  
"Sorry, I thought you were a fire hydrant"  
  
"DO I LOOK LIKE A BLOODY FIRE HYDRANT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!-what the hell is a fire hydrant?"  
  
"Um.....toilet for dogs?"  
  
"You know, back in my day people respected cats, not dogs. Everyone hated dogs."  
  
"Well, times have changed."  
  
"JOEY! IT'S ME, YAMI!!!"  
  
"OH SHIT! HE'S GOING TO FIND ME!!"  
  
"COME ON, ITS TIME TO FIND THAT RA DAMN RABBIT!!!!"  
  
"Joey, you have to hide me!"  
  
"Ok! Quickly crawl up my ass!"  
  
(---__________________________________________________________________---)  
  
It was too late, Yami came in through the door at that exact moment. The Pharaoh turned around and to his suprise, I was standing there. He finally discovered the new resident of his Puzzle.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Well, I guess this is kind of short, but I've been out of this story for a while. Gotta get back into the mood of it.  
  
Bakura: He peed on me!!!!  
  
Joey: Why am I a dog in this chapter?!  
  
Kaiba: *Whisles innocently* Um..........why don't we kill the author......I'm sure its his fault  
  
Bakura & Joey: YEA!!!!  
  
SOTR: Ra damn you Kaiba  
  
Kaiba: *Smirking*  
  
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Review and tell your friends how great this story is ^_^  
  
Bakura: Not very great  
  
SOTR: Shut up 


	10. Escape! Ghetto Kaiba in the House!

Wow! Thanks so much for all the reviews! All you people are awesome for taking the time to write them!  
  
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Disclaimer: I own nothing except the story, in case you have forgotten  
  
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Warning, this is the strangest chapter you will ever read. Well, maybe not, but its pretty high up there  
  
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"You......." Yami was glaring at the Tomb Robber as he glared back.  
  
"Pharaoh........"  
  
"Thief...........explain yourself before I dystroy your mind and body!" He raised one hand and the Eye of Horus appeared on his forehead. "You have 1 minute."  
  
"I am here........because............"  
  
"OUT WITH IT!!!! You have violated the sanctaty of my home! You will now die for your tresspassing"  
  
"Crap......."  
  
"YAMI!!!!!!!!! LET ME SNIFF YOUR CROUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Joey proceded to jump and ram into Yami's........yea  
  
(O_O) (_) "Oh Ra........." He fell to the floor in fetal position, Joey still going for his.........yea. Bakura just watched.  
  
"Well, I really must be going now, I'll talk to you later." and with a smirk, Bakura left the cirppled Pharaoh.  
  
"No! Wait.....................Joey, why........did you......do that?"  
  
"I don't know, seemed like a good moment to."  
  
"Oh Ra............"  
  
"Ew! When was the last time you washed your c-"  
  
"Just shut up"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Shit no crap damn fuck yea dammit to hell son of a bitch bastard Barbra Streisand! (Hehe, South Park) Motherf......" Bakura just went on. His secret was out. It would only be a matter of time until the Pharaoh caught up with him.  
  
"Maybe I should have accepted Joey's offer.....hid from Yami in his......on second thought, no." Our "hero" walked back to the kitchen. He was dying of hunger!  
  
"I'll eat any bloody thing right now!" Digging through the refridgerator, he found nothing, well, almost nothing.  
  
"Hmmm.....Slim Fast. It says on the bottle its as good as a normal meal.........Ooooooo this one is Egyptian flavored!" He opened the can and hestiantly took a sip.  
  
(O_O) PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
"HOLY CRAP THAT IS FOUL!!!!!!" (is it? I don't know) "Gah! My Mouth! Its burning the skin off my mouth!!!!" The Thief began guzzling bottle after bottle of water. "Oh yea.......actually, I'm kinda full now." He proceded to take another sip. (Yes, another one)  
  
(O_O) PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
He spat it out again. "It's not better the second time!!!!!!! I'm going blind!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! He guzzled some water to recover.  
  
"Ah, thats better....." He reached down to take another sip of the can. His hand stopped inches in front of it. "Haha, thought you could trick me again, won't work this time.......MIND CRUSH!!!!!!!!"(it works on Slim-Fast cans) The can was no more.  
  
He walked out the kitchen until something caught his eye. At the end of the hallway, there was yellow police tape. It was all over one door.  
  
"Hmmm, what could the Pharaoh be guarding? Treasure?" He walked towards the door. "Or something else......" Thoughts drifted back to Joey and Tea. Maybe this was another soul room? "Only one way to find out"  
  
Bakura reached for the handle...........  
  
(O___________________________________________________________________O)  
  
"SETO KAIBA?!?!?!"  
  
"What up foo?!"  
  
Yea, even Seto Kaiba had a soul room, but this was not a normal Kaiba, this was Yami's vision of Kaiba. He had cheap plastic necklaces around his neck with dollar signs on them. His pants were baggy and he was wearing sneakers. Each finger had a ring on it. He had a bandana under a skull cap. Somehow through his little ghetto transformation, he still kept his trenchcoat. Yami must have mistaken Kaiba's coolness with Ghetto-ness.  
  
"The hell happened to you?"  
  
"Ok Dawg, get this, me and my homies were chillin like villians when suddenly you popped up in the hiz-ouse! Ain't that whack?!"  
  
(O_O)  
  
"Yo G, I never caught your calling, Hit me up with the 411"  
  
".........................................What did you just call me?"  
  
"Your name home boy, your name!"  
  
"I'm sorry, my mother told me not to associate with people like you!" (HAHAHA!!! Poor Baku)  
  
"Yo, my name is K-Dawg Home Skillet! You can be Bunny Boy G-Money!"  
  
*WHACK!*  
  
(X_O)  
  
"DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME........................WHATEVER THE HELL YOU CALLED ME!!!!!!!"  
  
"Yo brother, don't be hatin!"  
  
"Oh Gods get me out of here!!!!" He made a dash for the door but it was locked.  
  
"Hommie, that wack thing don't open from this side, you gotta go on the west side to open it!" He made a strange little "w" symbol when he said that.  
  
"SPEAK BLOODY ENGLISH AND DON'T FLASH ME CULT SIGNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Yo Dawg, this is Engrish!" (X_X)  
  
"STOP CALLING ME DOG!!!!!  
  
"Yo man it aint 'dog' its 'dawg'"! I say you I'm right!"  
  
"Don't talk. Just shut up. Now."  
  
"You brother, don't be keepin to yourself now. You gotta open up, give the doctor the 411 on your troubles dawg!" He smiled at Bakura, revealing several gold teeth.  
  
"What has the Pharaoh done to you? You know, once I had a tiny bit of respect for you"  
  
"Yo man, you whack! Ain't nothin happening to me. I been good to my momma!"  
  
"THAT'S IT!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!! DIE NOW WHITEY!!!!!" Bakura pulled a knife and lunged at Kaiba.  
  
"Yo man, you better stop that." Kaiba responded by pulling out a pistol.  
  
(O_O)"Holy crap the Priest has a gun..........."  
  
"Yea, thats right G-Skillet, Make another move, I pop a cap in your azz!"  
  
"If I am to survive, I must start speaking like Seto....I mean Ghetto Kaiba" Bakura was quite clever when it came to tricking his enemies.  
  
"Um......that's.....wack....home....skillet.....dog....G...boy?" Well, not that clever -_-  
  
"You man, that is wack, we shouldn't be hatin"  
  
"Yea dawg, put the gun down and have a chat with my spatula and home muffins!"  
  
Kaiba lowered the gun, mostly in confusion.  
  
"What you say?"  
  
"Yo man, you be pissin my dawg off in the summer on the west side by the full moon!"  
  
(O_O) "Oh yea? Well, yo mama!"  
  
"My mother? the hell?" Serious confusion was happening between the two. (I really have no idea what is going on right now)  
  
"Yea, you heard me G"  
  
"Yo, I ain't G, I am beatbox master reindeer X to the Izzo!" Holy crap, what the hell did I just say? Bakura questioned himself.  
  
"Yo man, no you ain't, that is Yami-G's hoe's name." Kaiba took out a cigarette and lit it up.  
  
"You wanna hit?"  
  
"Sure" Maybe smoking would calm the nerves of the Tomb Robber.  
  
*inhales* (O_O) *Starts choking* "THIS ISN'T A CIGARETTE!!!!!!!"  
  
"Yea, its a cigo-weed" (Rush Hour is hilarious)  
  
"Cigo-weed?" *Inhales again* "Hey, this is nice......"  
  
"Oh yea......you wanna swap underwear?"  
  
"Oh yea......."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
10 minutes later  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The Dragon Master and King of Thieves were now high and singing to the song about getting high.....I forget the name (Oh Ra! What have I done?!)  
  
"I took his underwear, because he got high....."  
  
"I ate a cat's hairball because I got high......."  
  
"I milked a lettuce because I got high......."  
  
"BECAUSE I GOT HIGH, BECAUSE I GOT HIGH, BECAUSE I GOT HIGH!!!!!"  
  
"Tell me Kaiba......how did you learn to talk like this? Pharaoh's never talked like that"  
  
"Yami-G preached about his Yug-Dawg pawning the puzzle in the ghetto to get some quick dough and spent the green on some white gold baby!" (Meaning: Yugi pawned the puzzle in the Ghetto, Yami learned a lot of new words during that time period)  
  
"That doesn't sound like something he would do"  
  
"Man, shorty Mcfry is wack! He do all kinds of stuff!  
  
"Shut up" The drugs were beginning to wear off, and panic plus frustration was taking its place.  
  
"Yo man, you think you are better than me?"  
  
"Actually, I do! Shut your bloody mouth!"  
  
"Ey man, its all good, if you don't want this-  
  
"SHUT YOUR BLOODY RA DAMN MOUTH!!!!!!!" Bakura reached the gun left by Kaiba and shoved it between his eyes.  
  
"Now listen, you say the words: dawg, G, or yo, I will kill you  
  
"Yo Dawg, this G-homey can't be wasted!"  
  
Bakura shot Kaiba right between the eyes. His body fell limply to the ground.  
  
"Finally.....peace"  
  
"Yo dawg, I tell you I ain't dead!"  
  
(O_O) The Thief turned and saw Kaiba get up like nothing happened.  
  
"Oh Ra have mercy on my soul"  
  
"You wanna rap home-boy?  
  
(O_O) "PHARAOH!!!!! LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!" Bakura started pounding on the door.  
  
"Yo....yo.....Yea...........get ready......"  
  
"DON'T RAP!!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF RA DON'T RAP!!!!!  
  
"yo.....yo......." He just kept repeating that. Guess Kaiba couldn't rap.  
  
// 2 hours later //  
  
"Yo......I said yo........"  
  
Bakura was in the corner rocking back and forth. The poor guy had to listen to Kaiba repeat "Yo" roughly 563,437,659 times.  
  
"Ra will save me......he always will come to save me........" The Thief was now officially insane.  
  
"How was that dawg?"  
  
O_O......" Don't talk to me!!!!! Stay away from my child!!!!"  
  
"Yo man yo ain't got no child"  
  
"Stop! I WILL SICK MY MAN-EATER BUG ON YOU!!!!!"  
  
"Yo man, I don't want any trouble!"  
  
"See that Dark Necrophia doing the hula over there? Yea, it's my dawg and it will kill you if you keep talking!"  
  
Kaiba looked at the direction Bakura was pointing, but saw nothing.  
  
"You playin me foo?"  
  
"I ain't playin no one! I want out, and your gonna get me out!"  
  
"How so, Bunny boy G-money??"  
  
"LIKE THIS!!!!" Bakura picked up Kaiba and threw him headfirst into the door  
  
*CLANG!*  
  
(@_@)  
  
"Not open yet! Let's try it again!"  
  
*CLANG*  
  
(@_@)  
  
"Its giving, I know it! I'll be out and away from you!!!!"  
  
*CLANG!*  
  
(X_X)  
  
"It's not working! Let me try something else......" The insane Thief picked up the unconcious Kaiba and started using him as a battering-ram. He held Kaiba by the waist and ran as hard as he could into the door.......  
  
*CLANG!*  
  
*CLANG!*  
  
*CLANG!*  
  
*CLANG!*  
  
After the 640th attempt at ramming the door with Kaiba's head, it opened.  
  
"FREE!!!!!!!!!!" The psychotic Tomb Robber tore down the hallway screaming bloody murder. Kaiba just kinda layed there..........  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
SOTR: Um........sorry ab-  
  
*Snap*  
  
SOTR: X_X *dead*  
  
Kaiba: You fool! No one messes with Seto Kaiba!  
  
Bakura: You mean Ghetto Kaiba!  
  
Kaiba: Grrrrrrrrr..........  
  
Bakura: (O_O) Um...........*slowly backs away*  
  
Kaiba: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOUR GOING BRIT?!?!?! *Chases Bakura down and kills him*  
  
Yami: HAHA! Good job Kaiba! You killed the Tomb robber!  
  
Kaiba: Yami.......DIE!!!!!!!! *Kills Yami*  
  
Kaiba: Anyone else want to make fun of me?!?!?! BRING IT ON HOME SKILLET!(O_O)  
  
(-_-)  
  
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Please review. For me? ^_^ 


	11. Blimey! Ryou is British, you Stupid Pha...

It's reached 100 reviews!!! M first story.....*wipes away tear* Thank you all, especially the following for reviewing the last chapter-  
  
~A.K.A. Talentless (helped me with some "Ghetto" words ^^)  
  
~Windshine  
  
~Sarah aka Celebi  
  
~WhiteBakura  
  
~fOX-SPIRIT AKA Y.V  
  
~Kate Ryou  
  
~Dealtalead  
  
~Smarty1  
  
~C.T.  
  
~Ice-Spirit Phoenix  
  
~Ryuu Ie Mizishi  
  
~Jennilyn Maxwell  
  
~curseofshadows  
  
~WildBlackWolf  
  
~Kuroi Karasu  
  
~ShinakaStar  
  
~Lightning-chan  
  
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Oh yea, I have 2 more humor stories right now, I hope you will read and review them as well. They are-  
  
Back in Egypt, sort of- About Bakura and Yami. They dystroyed a good portion of the Egyptian museum, so they have to work there, under VERY familiar management......  
  
Just a normal Everyday Life- Well, its more of a romance story, but its got its moments of laughter. Battle city is over and the gang returns to a school run by Pegasus! Also, the staff should seem very familiar.  
  
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Ok, this chapter isn't that great because I wrote it even with writers block.(Don't ask me how) But I promise the one after will definately be better  
  
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"Kaiba......kill Kaiba......" Bakura finally got away from the CEO of Kaiba corp. Unfortunately, he had no idea where he was now. The walls were green instead of the usual yellow-brown color. The most noticable difference was that there were no doors.  
  
Bakura walked forward catiously until he reached the end of the hallway where the only door stood. It was molding green and grey.  
  
"Well, nothing can be worse that what I have seen. He opened the door and went inside.  
  
Oh Gods I have travelled back in time!.....wait no, its just a swamp....huh?" Bakura walked in and he entered some swampy marshlands.  
  
"Oh man, this is gonna kill my shoes!" He tried to stay out of the water, but it was quite impossible.  
  
"Its getting deeper!" The farther the Tomb Robber walked, the deeper the water got. Eventually, he reached the other side, which was a dry desert.  
  
"I know this place, its Australia" The Thief remembered him and Ryou took a trip to Sydney once, too bad they got banned from the continent because Bakura robbed the Tomb of their King.  
  
"Why does the Pharaoh have Australia here......" He walked farther into the desert. This was by fat the biggest room he had come across so far, at least 2 miles in each direction. (Wow) What was its purpose though? Suddenly, a wallabe (Kangaroo thing) hopped up to the Tomb Robber  
  
(O_O) "..........hi?" The Wallabe just stared at our friend. Bakura's stomach began to rumble. He was starving, and the only edible things the Pharaoh had were probably hazardous. The wallabe stared at him some more. Then, the "ingenous" Thief got an idea.  
  
"I've got an idea.....come here!" Bakura pulled his knife and lept at the marsupial. The wallabe was too quick and quickly hopped away.  
  
"NO WAY ARE YOU GETTING AWAY!!!! I'M HUNGRY!!!!!" Bakura started chasing after it.  
  
"I'm not even gonna wait to cook you! I'm eating you on the spot!" He chased the little bugger all across the room. He finally backed him into the corner.  
  
"Hehe....DIE NOW!" He pounced but the animal just lept over him. Bakura smashed into the ground painfully.  
  
(X_X)......"What the hell?" He was sinking. The Tomb Robber landed in quicksand.  
  
"Hey.....I know this stuff, I threw like 5 people in one of these once! Wait.......I'm gonna die, again!" He was waist deep in the dangerous muck now.  
  
"Um......maybe if I struggle really hard, I'll be freed" Bakura started waving around frantically but he sunk faster. The quicksand was now up to his chin.  
  
"Nope" He looked up and the wallabe was watching him sink. "That son of a bitch" was all Bakura could mutter.  
  
"How ironic, they said they would kill me by burying me in sand....." Just then, a hand grabbed his hair.  
  
(O_O) "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The hand tugged up hard and pulled Bakura out of the sand and onto dry ground.  
  
"No worries mate, your safe from that sinkhole"  
  
"My hair! ;_; You pulled my hair!......wait, who are (O_O) RYOU!!!!!!!!" The Tomb Robber lept to his feet and embraced his Hikari.  
  
"Aye mate, I think your gettin a bit to friendly with me"  
  
"Huh?" This was his soul room. Ryou's soul room. Except, he wasn't wearing his traditional clothes. He was dressed like some sort of adventurer, maybe Indiana Jones.  
  
"So mate, didn't catch your name"  
  
"Ryou, what happened to your british accent?"  
  
"I ain't brit-ish, I'm from down under"  
  
(O_O) " PHARAOH!!!!! RYOU IS BRITISH, NOT AUSTRALIAN!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Who you talkin to mate?"  
  
"Does anyone in this puzzle talk like a normal person?" Bakura sat down. He couldn't stand to see his light like this.  
  
"What's wrong boyo?"  
  
(O_O)......"You, your not my light anymore"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I actually am beginning to miss Ryou........" Bakura was alone in this hellhole. As a Thief, the ultimate punishment would be to lock him up. He needed to be free.  
  
GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRR (Oo) "Hehehehehe......." Bakura's stomach rummbled in hunger.  
  
"Sounds like you could do with some tucker, let's rustle up some grub!"  
  
"Huh.....?  
  
"What you wanna eat?"  
  
"Um.....that thing!" He pointed at the wallabe.  
  
(O_O) "Um....how about something less-"  
  
"I WANT THAT THING!!! I WILL FEAST ON HIS BLOOD!"  
  
(Oo) "Um.....well, I'm gonna have ta train you first then on the art of hunting wallabe"  
  
"Can't you just get it?"  
  
"Wheres the fun in that mate?"  
  
"DO IT!!!!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Ryou.....did you just say no to me?"  
  
"uh...yea?"  
  
"I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!" He grabbed "Ryou" and pulled him into a brotherly hug.  
  
(O_O)  
  
"Ok, then teach me how to hunt Hikari"  
  
"Why are you calling me that?"  
  
(-_-) "Oh yea......what sould I call you?"  
  
"My real name is Ryou, but you can call me Steve, Steve Irwin!"  
  
(O_O) "How'd you get that name?"  
  
"Well, the almighty creator (-_-;) said he was watching this guy on T.V wrestle alligators, and his accent reminded him of my accent, so that's why my home looks like this"  
  
"Yami.....you dumb piece of sh-"  
  
"We gonna stand around all day, or am I gonna teach you how to spear a wallabe?"  
  
(-_-)"Must you talk like that?"  
  
"yes"  
  
(-_-) "Fine, lets get started Ryou"  
  
"IT'S STEVE!!! I AM STEVE IRWIN!!!!"  
  
"........................................................................... ......................................"  
  
"Uh, I mean, ok, grab a stick and meet me by that tree"  
  
"What's wrong with this?" Bakura flashed Ryou his knife  
  
"Well.......its more fun to spear it" ^_^  
  
"uh.......fine, let's get this over with" The two grabbed a couple sticks and walked over to the tree. Ryou threw his stick and it sank into the trunk. Ryou walked up to the stick and motioned to Bakura  
  
"Kay, your turn, hit the stick"  
  
"Pft! No problem" Bakura threw his stick except it didn't hit Ryou's stick, it hit Ryou.....  
  
"AHHHHH! Croikey!"  
  
(Oo);;;; "Um....I honestly didn't mean to do that"  
  
"Me arm! The stick's in me arm!"  
  
"Yes....I can see that"  
  
"Well, pull it out!"  
  
"Stupid......mortal?" The Thief walked over to 'Steve' and yanked out his stick  
  
(O_O) (__  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"How convenient, the Pharaoh has a boat to transport me across....." Bakura got on and ferried himself to the other side. He got off and left the Outback.  
  
"Well, I have been here for a good long time, and I have still discovered nothing about my past or his past! This sucks!" He walked down the corridor.  
  
"I want out, I'm sick of this. I have to think of some way to get out of here......" He continued walking. The only way out would be to confront the Pharaoh, but that could be quite dangerous.......there had to be another way!  
  
"Hello, whats this?" Bakura came across a door. The thing that stood out about this one was the fact it was pink.  
  
"A pink door, I wonder who's soul room this could be......" He walked inside. The wallpaper was pink and purple and covered in flowers. A figure with long hair suddenly ran up to him.  
  
"Like, Oh my God! I just love your hair!"  
  
(O______O) "OH HELL NO! NOT YOU!!!!!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Wow, who's soul room could that be? I'll leave it to you guys to try to figure it out (Shouldn't be too hard) How will Bakura get out of the Puzzle? Oh my, this is going to be a bit of a sticky wicket!  
  
R&R you know you want to 


	12. Enough! I have unleashed a terrible evi...

Holy crap, I'm sorry for not updating so long. No cheap excuses, I'm sorry. Here's the new chapter, and I hope you all like it! Also, I am very GREATFUL to all those who reviewed, thanks so much!

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I no own Yugioh, or Harry potter OO  
  
Doorbell rings  
  
"Yuugi get the door! I'm in the bathroom!"  
  
"Wow Grandpa, you have been in there for 3 days now!" OO  
  
".............."  
  
"See Grandpa? This is what happens when you don't eat your vegetables!"  
  
"...............Just get the door Yuugi. It will come soon enough"  
  
OO  
  
Yuugi jumped over the counter and stopped at the door. He straightened his jacket and opened the door. Standing there was a very scorched Ryou.  
  
"Ryou! What happened?"  
  
"Nothing really, just got a bit scorched from baking......."  
  
"You bake?" OO  
  
"Uh....... I mean lifting weights!"  
  
"You got burned lifting weights?" --  
  
"Uh........they were on fire?" ;;;;  
  
--;;;;;;;;;;;;  
  
"Listen Yuugi, I came to ask.........do you think Bakura is really gone?"  
  
"YOU MEAN YOUR NOT BAKURA?!?!?! TAKE THIS DEMON!!!" Throws holy water on him......holy water that happened to be in the shop.......  
  
"That was uncalled for" dripping  
  
"Oh.......you mean your Yami?"  
  
"Yes Yuugi, my Yami"  
  
"My Yami is Yami Yuugi!"  
  
"Well my Yami isn't Yami Yuugi, its Yami Bakura!"  
  
"My Yami is Yami Yuugi, not Yami Bakura but Yami Yuugi!"  
  
"Oh yea? Well my ya-aw screw it. -- I want to talk about Bakura"  
  
"Actually Ryou, I think he is alive. What tipped you off?"  
  
"Anubis came looking for his soul"  
  
OO  
  
"So if he is alive, where is he? He's not in my ring"  
  
"I think he's in this...." points to the puzzle  
  
OO "YOU ATE MY YAMI?!?!!?"  
  
"I think he's in the puzzle Ryou"  
  
"Oh......well, can you get him out?"  
  
Yami Yuugi takes over  
  
"I am looking for him Ryou. No worries I will find him"  
  
"He did the puberty thing again......"  
  
"What was that Ryou?"  
  
"Oh nothing!" ;;;  
  
"Right.........well, I'll tell you if I see him"  
  
"Thanks........also one more thing"  
  
"Yes Ryou?"  
  
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY SWEATER?!?!?!?!"  
  
"This is my sweater" When Yami switched places with Yuugi, they switch clothing as well. Yuugi of course wore his school uniform, but his Yami on the other hand wore something a little more...................pink.  
  
"Why did you dye my sweater pink Yami?"  
  
"This is my sweater Ryou, I found it in my puzzle, therefore it belongs to me"  
  
"Don't you think it's a bit odd my sweater is in your puzzle?"  
  
"No"  
  
-- "It means my Yami is in there!"  
  
"So I am................EW!!!!" Throws off sweater and lights it on fire  
  
OO  
  
"BURN IN HELL EVIL PINK SWEATER OF THE TOMB ROBBER!!!!"  
  
;; "My sweater......."  
  
OO "uh........bye!" disappears into the puzzle  
  
"My sweater......."  
  
"Sorry about that Ryou"  
  
"Yuugi, you owe me a new sweater"  
  
OO "I do?"  
  
"Yes, now, take me to your sweaters!"  
  
Oo; "Ok........follow me......." Yuugi and Ryou walked upstairs to Yuugi's room.  
  
"Yuugi, was that the mail-ordered bride you wanted?  
  
"No Grandpa, its just Ryou"  
  
"YOU WANT RYOU TO BE YOUR BRIDE?!?!"  
  
OO  
  
-- "No Grandpa, he came over"  
  
"Aren't you a little young to be d- oh hold on, I think I'm finally getting somewhere!"  
  
"Yuugi, what's he doing?" OO  
  
"Trying to go to the bathroom" --  
  
"Oh....... my sweater?"  
  
"Right! My room is this way." Yuugi brought Ryou to his room. The two boys stepped inside and Yuugi closed the door behind them.  
  
"So, where do you keep your sweaters Yuugi?" Ryou turned around to see Yuugi blushing. His head was bent and his eyes were on the floor.  
  
"I've never had a girl in my room alone before......."  
  
OO  
  
"So Ryou.......do you think we should do it?" The boys face was incredibly red, while the white haired Brit stared in shock.  
  
"Yuugi, I'm a boy"  
  
OO Yuugi looked up quickly.  
  
"You are? I thought you were a girl!"  
  
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!?!?!?!"  
  
"Well, you have long hair, are very thin, and very feminine"  
  
"Yuugi, I'm a gentleman, not a homosexual" --;;;;;  
  
"So...........can we still do it?"  
  
OO  
  
"Uh.........I have to go now Yuugi, I'll see you later!" Ryou proceeded to run out of the room and out of the game shop. Yuugi walked out of his room crestfallen and sat outside the bathroom.  
  
"So Yuugi, you score with that hot girl Ryou?"  
  
"Turns out he was a boy Grandpa......"  
  
"Well, did you score with him then?"  
  
"Nope"  
  
"Ah, no worries, you still have me"  
  
OO  
  
"Gods not you!! It can't be you!!!"  
  
"What? Like that is totally not cool! You should be like, glad to see me Baky-boy!"  
  
OO "The hell?! No! It can't be you!! NO WAY IN HELL!!!!"  
  
"Come on, we like, had so much fun in Battle city! We went like shopping and stuff!"   
  
"I did no such thing with you!" Bakura was in the new room facing someone wearing a purple skirt and also with blonde hair.  
  
"Oh come on, you know you did!"  
  
"I still can't believe the Pharaoh sees you as this........."  
  
"Yep, I am Mailik!"  
  
"You mean Malik"  
  
"Nope, Mailik!"  
  
"Dear Ra help me" --  
  
"Ra helped me choose out this diamond ring!"  
  
--;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;  
  
"Well, I think its time I gave you a makeover!"  
  
The Tomb Robber stared at the man more feminine that Pegasus. "A makeover?" OO  
  
"Well like yea! You are so tacky! Though you got a tight bod!"  
  
OO "You damn hentai!"  
  
"I have a shampoo called 'Hentai' its simply astounding!"  
  
It seemed that the Pharaoh had Malik and Mai er............confused. They seemed to have become one being. Maybe it's the way Mai always dominated over Joey, or the way Malik wore those belly shirts. Either way, now the great Zoku-ou had to face the new evil known as Mailik. Mailik had hair the same color as Mai Kujaku, but it was in the style of Malik Ishtar's hair. Also, the clothing this person wore was the exact same as Mai's during battle city, which is extremely disturbing seeing as how it could have been a man. The voice....well, it was Malik's dub voice unfortunately.........  
  
"Ok, like I'm gonna like go and like get my make-up kit! Like ok?"  
  
"for what?" OO  
  
"Like im totally gonna make you over!"  
  
"Like hell you are!" The brave Tomb Robber pounced at the she-man but then uh........  
  
"Aww, your so sweet!"  
  
"LET GO OF ME!!"  
  
"But you're like the one who hugged me!"  
  
"No, I attacked you, now let go before I kick you in the balls........do you have balls?" OO  
  
"Like, I don't check, you know, like hello!"  
  
Oo;;;;  
  
"But I do have this!" Mailik proceeded to take out his...or her Rod.  
  
"A millennium item?"  
  
"Yes, this is my Rod, I like use it to control people! Best part is it totally goes with my hair!" Bakura stared hungrily at the Rod (Oo;;) Whenever the great thief saw a sennen item, he could not think of anything else except getting it.  
  
"I want your Rod"  
  
"Well like you totally can't have it! It's like mine!" Mailik carelessly flipped a strand of her (or his) hair when she (or him --) said it.  
  
"Give me your Rod!" The thief threw a punch at Mailik and hit him square in the chest. In retaliation, Mailik........  
  
SLAP  
  
OX  
  
"How dare you touch my boobs you hentai!"  
  
"I punched you" OO  
  
"Like omg I'm so gonna sick my boyfriend on you!"  
  
Oo;;;  
  
"YAMI!! SOMEONE IS RAPING ME!!!!!"  
  
OO  
  
"HELP!!!!!!!" The Pharaoh busted through the door at that exact moment. He wore a showering cap and had a towel wrapped around his waist. He was still dripping.  
  
"Who's ra- the tomb robber!?"  
  
"I was not raping it --"  
  
"What the hell are you doing here?!?!?!"  
  
"I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop in" The tomb robber replied sarcastically.  
  
"I want you out of my puzzle!"  
  
"I want out also"  
  
"No exc-you do?" OO  
  
"Yes, I hate this damn place" Mailik walked over to Yami and was sobbing into his chest, whining about how Bakura touched her"  
  
"And then he...sniff........he touched my boob"  
  
"You bastard! Why did you touch Mailik?!"  
  
Bakura gritted his teeth, pissed that the Pharaoh could even accuse him of touching...........that.  
  
"I did no such thing, I wouldn't come close to that freak!"  
  
"Prove it!"  
  
"You prove it!"  
  
"I'll prove it!" Mailik interrupted them and tore off his or her shirt. Right on the chest was a bruise beginning to form"  
  
"Finally! About time I got to see your boobs!"  
  
OO  
  
"Pharaoh.........you do realize that may not be a girl........."  
  
"Huh? Of course it is!"  
  
"Prove it"  
  
"Hmm........"  
  
"Well?" The Pharaoh thought for a bit, before coming to a "brilliant" conclusion.  
  
"Ok, I know how!"  
  
"Ok"  
  
Yami walked up to Mailik. He smiled at her (or him) before kicking him (or her) right between the legs........  
  
OO  
  
Mailik fell to the ground, holding its special area. Bakura grinned while Yami stared in shock.  
  
"It is a man!" OO  
  
"Told you"  
  
"I'm a hermaphrodite you dumbasses!"  
  
OO  
  
OO  
  
"EW!!!!!!"  
  
"EEEEWWWWW- what's a hermione?"  
  
"HermAPHRODITE! It means I have both male and female genetalia!"  
  
"Ew! Get the Hermione away from me!" (Btw, I got nothing against Hermione, it just came to me randomly ;;;;;;)  
  
"But Yami, we are in love!" Mailik then jumped into the Pharaoh's arms while Yami stayed very determined not to look at the thing in his arms.  
  
"THE HERMIONE IS TOUCHING ME!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Pharaoh, its hermaphrodite! Hermione is the girl my light has plastered all over his walls"  
  
"RYOU HAS PICTURES OF HERMIONE?!?!?!?! EEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
--  
  
"If I get rid of the herma-"  
  
"Hermione"  
  
"..............whatever. If I get rid of it, you will get me out of the puzzle. Deal?"  
  
"Alright! Just get rid of the hermione!" Bakura walked up to Yami and Mailik. He took out his knife and licked the blade.  
  
"What are you going to like do with that?" OO Mailik stared at the blade in fear.  
  
"I'm making you a woman"  
  
OO  
  
OO  
  
grins  
  
"No......please don't........."  
  
"Sorry Mailik, your my ticket out of here"  
  
"Yay! Now no more Hermione!" Bakura chased the fleeing she-male down. He pinned it against the wall, raised his knife, and then.........  
  
SLICE!!!!!!  
  
"Oh Ra you cut it off!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"DAMN YOU BAKU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"This time I am definitely not licking the blood off my knife"   
  
"Wow Tomb Robber, you actually helped me. I don't believe it......"  
  
"I kept my end of the bargain, now get me out of this hellhole"  
  
"This hell hole is my home!"  
  
"DAMMIT IM A WOMAN!!!!!!"  
  
"For insulting my home, I will not let you leave, but instead I will kill you"  
  
"You lying Thief!"  
  
"Look who's talking" --  
  
;;;;  
  
"Wait! Kill me and Ryou dies!"  
  
"And why should I care?"  
  
"HOLY CRAP I WANT TO DIE!!!!!" Mailik interjected.  
  
"Because your light thinks he's a girl and has a crush on him"  
  
"Jokes on you! He learned he was a guy!"  
  
"I CANT BELIEVE YOU CUT IT OFF!!!!"  
  
"Yea, but he still likes him"   
  
"Damn.......fine, I'll get you out"  
  
"DOES ANYONE SEE MAILIK DYING HERE?!?!?! I LIKE TOTALLY NEED HELP!!!!!"  
  
"Alright, how do we do that?"  
  
"It's very difficult, and can only be achieved in one way"  
  
"And what is that Pharaoh?"  
  
"The person closest to you must challenge and defeat Ra in a cooking contest. When Ra is defeated he will grant you a wish and they must wish for you back"  
  
OO  
  
"It's true! I swear!"  
  
"How far up your ass did you have to dig to come up with that?!?!"  
  
"It's true, Ryou must defeat Ra in a cooking contest"  
  
"That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard"  
  
"MY LOWER AREA IS BLEEDING!!!!"  
  
"I will inform my Aibou of it, and Ryou will challenge Ra. Now follow me, I'll uh.......show you to a room where you can stay until Ryou is done with his task."  
  
"Just don't leave me with the mutt, or Ghetto Kaiba"  
  
OO "You know about them?"  
  
"Oh yes, and I also know many other things.......... Welcome to a beginners guide to du-"  
  
"OK I GET IT!" The Tomb Robber smirked at the shaken Pharaoh.  
  
"So, where do I stay?"  
  
"Know this Thief, if I release you, you cannot mention to anyone what you have seen in here!"  
  
"Ok, I'm beginning to feel dizzy from the blood loss....." Mailik then fainted.  
  
Bakura grinned. "I'm not making any promises Pharaoh"  
  
"Then" Yami raised his hand and pointed it at the thief "prepare to die"  
  
"..................FINE! I will tell no one of what happened!"  
  
"Good, then follow me" Yami walked out of the room, followed by Bakura. Mailik just kind of layed on the ground.....  
  
"So uh......how much do you exactly know about me Tomb Robber?"  
  
"More than I ever wanted to know" ;  
  
"I see..........well, sleep here for the night" The Pharaoh had lead Bakura to an empty room. The only thing in it was a bed. And for some reason, millions of pictures of Isis were on the wall.  
  
"Uh..........Pharaoh........"  
  
"Don't ask, just sleep here" Yami then walked out the door and locked it. Bakura sat on the bed and looked ahead. He was getting out of this hellhole. He jumped off the bed and tore a few pictures of Isis off the wall. He then lit them on fire. The Thief took out his knife he used to make Mailik a woman and started burning the blade.  
  
"I'll be damned in I EVER lick this knife again"

* * *

SOTR: What evil have I unleashed? Mailik? ; Oh well, this story is wrapping up, so don't leave just yet!  
  
Mai: I'm going to kill you takes out a knife  
  
SOTR: OO runs  
  
Malik: blocks my path you are so dead  
  
Mai and Malik proceed to kill the author 


	13. Rescue! Back to the Motherland!

ANOTHER INSTALLMENT TO THE STORY!! ^_^ Sorry, exams and stuff keeping me busy, but now tis a snow day so here it is! The next chapter!  
  
Thanks to all reviewers ^___^  
  
MY SISTER fOX-SPIRIT AKA Y.V IS MAKING A DOUJINSHI OF THE ANZU CHAPTER OF THIS STORY!!! GO CHECK OUT HER SITE WHEN ITS UP ^_^  
  
Special thanks to Oh Positive One for certain parts of DFD (one of her former stories) referenced in this chapter. If you read that story, you will noticed certain things used in it (Such as the fact Ryou's gotta bake) ^^;  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
Ryou was sleeping soundly in his bed. The clock read 11:55 and it was pitch black, except for the little nightlight in the bathroom. His father was away on a dig in Egypt, so he was home alone, like normal.  
  
"Oh yea...that's real nice...." Ryou mumbled before rolling over on his side. The sleeping boy was not aware that his window was open. Nor was he aware a figure was watching him sleep. The shadow's brilliant eyes were fixed on the boy. A grin appeared on his face as he spoke.  
  
"So delicate.... like a flower..."  
  
\\ WHAT YAMI?! O_O\\  
  
// Uh.....nothing Aibou//  
  
\\ Oh...\\  
  
"Sleep my young prince, so delicious you look bathed in moonlight..."  
  
\\ CUT IT OUT YAMI!!!!!!! JUST TELL HIM TO HAVE A COOK-OFF WITH RA!!!!\\  
  
// ....party pooper//  
  
\\ Damn straight\\  
  
The pineapple-haired Pharaoh leaped down from the windowsill and straitened himself up. The strolled over to the white-haired Brit and stared down at him. Ryou's mouth was open and a small trickle of drool hung from it.  
  
"What rubs the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose again" The Pharaoh cackled.  
  
\\ O__________________________________O Yami....what the hell are you smoking?\\  
  
// Just some stuff Ghetto Kaiba gave me //  
  
\\ ....... Just wake him up \\  
  
The Pharaoh shook Ryou for a full minute before the boy started waking up.  
  
"No Anzu...you had your turn....its Shizuka's turn now..."  
  
// O_O Aibou...//  
  
\\ Ignore him and just wake him up\\ -_-  
  
// He won't wake up//  
  
\\ Then smack him!\\  
  
Yami jumped on the bed and swung a leg over Ryou, putting him in a quite awkward position. He raised one arm and slapped the sleeping boy.  
  
"Gah! Bloody hell!" The boy looked up into a pair of Lavender eyes.  
  
"Ryou! You must challenge Ra!"  
  
O_________________________________________________O  
  
"Oh yea, this is Yuugi"  
  
"oh...hehe....I knew that mate..."  
  
"Ryou....why is.......YOU WET YOURSELF!!!"  
  
"YOU STARTLED ME OK!?"  
  
"Ew! You stained my leather pants!"  
  
"Well maybe you shouldn't sit on top of my crotch!" The pharaoh looked down and saw that indeed he was on top of Ryou's private area.  
  
"Uh...sorry....just trying to wake you up you know" ^^;  
  
"But why?"  
  
"Oh yea! I found your Yami, and the only way to save him is to challenge Ra in a cook-off"  
  
"........Why would I want to save my Yami?"  
  
"Cause you love him?"  
  
O___________O "WHAT GAVE YOU THAT IDEA?!"  
  
A bright light flashed and where Yami was standing now stood his light, Yuugi. His eye widened and his bangs went limp again. Also, he shrunk about a foot in height ^^;  
  
"Yuugi, is that you?"  
  
"Sorry Ryou.... my Yami has been using the computer a bit.... really got into this thing called 'fanfiction'.... apparently you and your Yami are a common couple."  
  
O_________________________O  
  
"But I'm here to tell you something else, your Yami... Bakura is currently possessing my puzzle."  
  
"He's the new resident of the puzzle?" O_O (Hah! That's the title of the story ^^;;;)  
  
"I guess." The young boy shrugged. Suddenly, Ryou started laughing. Yuugi stared at him confused. What was so funny anyways?  
  
"Ryou...?"  
  
"HAHAHA!!! NOW YOU WILL SUFFER WHAT I HAD TO SUFFER!!!"  
  
"Ryou?" O_O  
  
"He tortured me for so long!! I'm free!! No more Bakura! No more waking up next to beautiful hookers! No going to school to find my worst enemies dead!! No more closet full of stolen untraceable jewels worth- wow.... I miss him a lot." O_O  
  
O_____________________________________________O "Uh.... So you want him back right?"  
  
"Yea, I'll take him back now mate"  
  
"Well.... Its not that easy...."  
  
"What do you mean mate?"  
  
"You have to complete a task of great difficulty..."  
  
"Which is?"  
  
"You must defeat Ra in a cooking contest"  
  
"........who the hell comes up with this stuff?"  
  
"uh.....the ancient Egyptians?"  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
"So....."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Uh...are things... good?"  
  
"...."  
  
"I'm just trying to make conversation tomb robber! Oh, and go fish"  
  
"I noticed your pathetic attempt Pharaoh"  
  
"Hey! This is my home and you will show me proper respect! Got any three's?"  
  
"Go fish bitch. Or else what? You will give me a lecture on how to treat my cards?"  
  
"Or I'll make you wish you were dead"  
  
"I fail to see the threat"  
  
The Pharaoh and the Thief were inside one of the many chambers of the puzzle passing the time while Yuugi was explaining to Ryou what he needed to do. Obviously the two spirits were bored, seeing as they weren't dueling but instead playing "Go fish."  
  
"Pharaoh, give me your queen!"  
  
"That's no fair! You're using your powers to cheat again!"  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"Grr... fine, got any sixes?" The thief then handed the pharaoh two of his cards.  
  
"...GOT ANY TENS PHARAOH?!" One card went to the thief.  
  
"I DEMAND YOU SHOW ME YOUR TWO'S!"  
  
"GIVE ME SOME SEVENS BITCH!!"  
  
"RELINQUISH YOUR NINES THIEF!!!"  
  
"YOU CHEATER!!!"  
  
"YOU CHEATED FIRST!"  
  
"NO YOU DID!"  
  
"YOU!"  
  
"YOU!!"  
  
"YOU!!!!!"  
  
Y-oh fine, whatever, its just a stupid game"  
  
"Games are NOT stupid tomb robber! They are important, a way of life, and help you make friends!"  
  
"You only say that cause it's the only thing you can do right" P  
  
"....."  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
"So Yuugi, in order to save my Yami, I must challenge some fake Egyptian God-" Suddenly, a bright flash and Yami took the place of Yuugi.  
  
"HE IS NOT FAKE YOU FOOL!!!!" Ryou shrank back into a corner and cowered at the Pharaoh, who glared back at him with not two but three eyes.  
  
"Terribly sorry Yami, you must pardon my rudeness" ^^;;;  
  
"Whatever, just get your darker half out of my puzzle!"  
  
"One question"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Why a cooking contest?"  
  
"You see....Ra has two loves in life, one is the sun, life, the earth itself, and the other....is well.....cooking"  
  
"How strange"  
  
"It is not strange it is normal!!!!!!!"  
  
O_O "Right....so, how do I challenge him?"  
  
"Me and my Aibou have made arrangements for us to fly to Egypt"  
  
"But my father is there!" The young white haired boy cried out. "If he is to find me, he will kill me"._.  
  
"Too bad, so sad, hey-ho, lets go!" Yami grabbed Ryou and dragged him to a taxi already waiting outside.  
  
"I am not a ho Yami!"  
  
"It's a song by the Ramones"  
  
"Uh.... you're a 3,000 year old Egyptian spirit, how the hell do you know who the Ramones are?"  
  
"......." Yami threw Ryou roughly into the vehicle before it took off.  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
"So, we finally meet face to face little Yuugi"  
  
"Yea.... hi Bakura..." The small boy waved at the tomb robber, who just grinned with malice in his eyes.  
  
"You have caused me so much pain.... You have been selfish keeping me from the puzzle, I should kill you right now"  
  
"If you touch me, me and Yami will switch places!"  
  
"Heh, coward"  
  
"I am not!"  
  
"You stupid boy, don't you realize living in your puzzle has given me plenty of chances to kill you with? If my intentions were to end your life, you would be dead"  
  
*Gulp*  
  
"Wuss" -_-  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"Are too" Bakura flipped a strand of his hair, grinning inside at the fact the little Pharaoh was so easily angered by his antics.  
  
"Am not!"  
  
Bakura suddenly turned and faced Yuugi, eyes narrowed. "You are if I say so!"  
  
O_O "Yes sir"  
  
"....How much longer will this be?"  
  
Yuugi rubbed the back of his head. "I don't know, Yami said we will need to go to Egypt before the ritual will be completed"  
  
Bakura looked like he swallowed something rotten. "That will take at least 10 hours to get there!"  
  
"Hehe....yea"  
  
"And how do you recommend I entertain myself until then?"  
  
"Uh....sing a song?" ^^;;;;  
  
-_-;;;;;;;;  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
"THE METAL BIRD SWALLOWED US!!!!!!!"  
  
"Uh... Yami, this is an airplane. It will take us to Egypt"  
  
"But I thought the taxi would take us to Egypt Ryou"  
  
"Uh...it can't travel across water you know"  
  
"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH, so that's why Yuugi was pissed at me when I tried to get to China using his grandfather's car."  
  
-_- "Just try not to cause too much of a ruckus Yami..."  
  
~10 hours later at Cairo Airport~  
  
"Oh my that was exhausting... especially when you assaulted the flight attendant cause your bag of peanuts had one less than mine" -_-  
  
;_; "It wasn't fair!" The two stepped outside and surveyed the scenery. Yami looked around and suddenly his eyes widened in glee. He jumped on top of a camel, stood up on its hump, and shouted-  
  
"Finally Egypt, your Pharaoh has come home!!!!"  
  
*BAM*  
  
A barrage of various objects then knocked the Pharaoh unconscious, thrown by various passer Byers.  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
Oh my, this story really is almost over! I cant wait ^_^  
  
Sorry it wasn't that funny, but I guess I'm running low on inspiration for this story, but don't worry, another 2 chappies I estimate and it'll be done! *Wipes a tear* 


	14. Finally! Summon almighty Ra!

Heya everyone! Guess who's back? Yep, its SOTR or under my new penname Moonlit Underworld. The name's changed but I'm hoping the quality of my stories will stay just as good Hope you enjoy this update!  
  
  
  
"Come on Ryou, we're gonna be late!" Yuugi scrambled around the hotel room trying to clean up after the mess they had made last night. Bottles of liquor were scattered everywhere and there was food in every possible crack, even in that small space between the T.V. and the stand beneath it.  
  
"Oh... man, remind me never to party with you again." Malik moaned. He lay on the sofa on top of a passed out Rishid. Isis was sprawled on the bed, also unconscious. The three Egyptians had met Yuugi at the airport and brought him to a hotel where he could spend the night as long as necessary. Oh yea, Ryou was occupying the bathroom. Apparently the white-haired boy wasn't the best at handling alcohol. In fact, after only one beer he had been throwing up more food than he had eaten for the past 3 days. Just then, a figure appeared, looming like some omniscient being over the carnage of hangovers and puke-stains.  
  
"Ah my Pharaoh, you were always the party animal." Shadi smiled slightly remembering his life back in Egypt when parties like the ones just held were considered to be nothing more than play dates. "I wonder if you could still beat priest Seto in a drinking contest..." The thoughts of the spirit wondered as Yuugi came dashing into the room.  
  
OO "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Freddy Krueger's come back to get me!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"... Pardon me Yuugi, its just me Shadi, I have come to lead you to the cook- off competition."  
  
"Oh... sorry Shadi, its just you two look so much alike, you can see why I was so easily confused" ;;  
  
"...I'm sure I look nothing like this Freddy that you speak of."  
  
"Sure you do! Now help me clean up this mess before cleaning services kills us." The boy and the Egyptian spirit proceeded to clean up the room, being careful not to disturb anyone in the process. About 5 minutes into the cleaning, Ryou swaggered out of the bathroom in a drunken stupor.  
  
"Yuugi mate! You won't believe all the things I've seen...I mean I had no idea Anzu was so flexible..."  
  
OO "Ryou... what the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"...Ow...my head." The boy gripped his head tightly and clenched his eyes. Shadi brought over an ice pack to ease the hangover.  
  
"Kids...don't know how to handle alcohol these days," the spirit grumbled.  
  
"But I only had one beer!"  
  
--; "Yea, and I'm the queen of England," Shadi replied sarcastically.  
  
"NEVER INSULT THE QUEEN! AYAYAYAYAYAYA!!!!!" Ryou pounced on top of Shadi as they began wrestling on the floor. The passed out Ishtars were now awake and staring at the scuffle.  
  
"Hey Rishid, I'll bet you $5 Shadi kicks his prissy ass."  
  
"I accept your challenge Malik-sama."  
  
"Men, so disgusting" Isis spoke, grimacing at her brother's antics.  
  
"Um Isis...you might want to shower, you smell like ass" Yuugi spoke timidly.  
  
"It was the alcohol! Its not like I have gone a week without bathing" She quickly ran into the bathroom. Yuugi turned back to the fight between Shadi and Ryou.  
  
"SAY IT!"  
  
"NUUUU!! I will not!"  
  
"Say it!!"  
  
"AHHH!! Ahh...I'm the queen's.... the queen's...."  
  
"THE QUEEN'S WHAT?!"  
  
"OW!! I'M THE QUEEN'S BITCH! HAPPY?!"  
  
"Yup"  
  
"It appears you owe me $5 Malik-sama."  
  
"Dammit...who knew Shadi was such a wuss or that Ryou knew kung-fu?" Ryou smiled his boy-ish innocent smile as Shadi slowly rose from the ground rubbing his battered arm. The white-haired brit extended a hand to Shadi, which the man took willingly.  
  
"Sorry mate, I don't know what came over me, no hard feeling?" "You have humiliated a guardian of the pharaoh with ease, I prostrate myself in front of you."  
  
OO;;; "I'm sorry sir, I am not interested in men."  
  
"....It means I bow to you"  
  
"Oh... so nothing gay?"  
  
"No"  
  
"I see..."  
  
"Rishid, what does gay mean?"  
  
"I'll tell you when your older Malik-sama" --; Isis walked out of the bathroom clean, though her hair still remained a bit wet.  
  
"Yuugi, we should hurry." Shadi spoke monotonously, as always.  
  
"I agree, let's hurry Ryou, my Pharaoh," Isis spoke calmly. "Oh yea, please stop staring at my breasts."  
  
"Sorry...but its been a while" Shadi turned away looking red.  
  
"Malik-sama... may I kill that man for staring at Isis-sama?"  
  
"Yes, as long as I get to help" Malik spoke quietly, unsheathing the Sennen rod.  
  
"I'd run if I were you mate..." Ryou spoke to Shadi.  
  
OO "Eep"  
  
  
  
"Anf so efewyone, we musft huwy to duh gweat pyramids."  
  
"...What did you just call me Shadi?"  
  
"Yuugi, he just said we must hurry to the pyramids." ; Yuugi and Ryou were sitting next to Shadi in the limo. Malik, Rishid and Isis were sitting on the opposite side. Isis provided the limo, seeing as she was the owner of a traveling Egyptian exhibit and basically supported the entire Ishtar family on her paycheck alone. Rishid took care of the house and Malik...well, Malik made sure the T.V worked properly. Oh yea, Shadi's speech impediment was because of his swollen jaw. His jaw and numerous other injuries were because of Malik and Rishid er... protecting their sister.  
  
"Ryou, are you ready? This will be very difficult." Ryou nodded at Isis as he looked out the window. He was doing all this to get his Yami back, the one who made his life a living hell. To get him back... It seemed that he was family or something. Ryou would never admit it, nor Bakura either, but they both cared for each other, and of course in the family brotherly way, not the crazy yaoi fangirl fanfiction way.  
  
"I'm going to let my dark half out now, see you later Ryou." A flash of light and then Atemu was sitting there in place of Yuugi.  
  
"MY PHARAOH!" Isis and Shadi went into a bow in front of the ancient spirit.  
  
"... How many times do I have to say, don't bow to me anymore."  
  
"Imf sorry mife-"  
  
"Good God Shadi what the hell happened to your face?!" OO  
  
"...I don'f wanf to tawk abouwt it"  
  
"Miss Ishtar, we are there," the limo driver spoke. Everyone emptied out of the limo and looked up at the sphinx.  
  
"Wow...it's so big..." Isis said staring at the huge monument, lifting her dress high enough for Atemu to see under.  
  
"Not quite yet, but almost..." The er...horny/disgusting Pharaoh spoke quietly.  
  
"Huwwy evewyone, its abwout two start!" Shadi lead the gang into the structure, taking them to the top of the head where the challenge would be held. Isis, Rishid and Malik walked calmly and took care to not damage the monument. They had been raised to respect ancient Egyptian relics and this was no different. On the other hand Atemu and Ryou were...  
  
"Hey Yuugi, look! I drew Big Ben! Isn't it good?" The brit pointed at his drawing on the paw of the Sphinx.  
  
"You think that's good Ryou? Look at this, I've got its nose!" Atemu held the nose of the giant structure somehow. It was a miracle it hadn't crushed him, but then again...it was a miracle he was able to remove it. Oo (For all of you who don't know, the real Sphinx is missing its nose)  
  
On top of the head of the sphinx  
  
"So Ryou, did the climb go smoothly for you?" Malik asked.  
  
"Smooth as an ice rink made on a baby's bottom covered in a silk blanket with lotion on top," The brit responded.  
  
Oo "I think you're still a bit hung over..."  
  
"Oh yea?! Well... I think your right..."  
  
"That's pretty damn smooth" Atemu commented.  
  
"Pwease fwiends, it is time two call Wa."  
  
"Call who?" Atemu asked, obviously unable to understand Shadi.  
  
"Wa! Wa!"  
  
"Geez, no need to cry about it..."  
  
--;  
  
"Er... I think he means Ra my pharaoh," Isis said  
  
"Oh! I knew that" ;  
  
"Iwis, teww deh Phawaoh how to summon Wa" Shadi requested.  
  
"To summon Ra, Ryou must intertwine with the holder of wants back-" But before Isis could continue, Yami leapt forward and planted a wet one of Ryou.  
  
OO;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;  
  
"....and they must each chant Ra's name and then bleed blood at the same time....no kissing involved by the way."  
  
"Yea, but I feel my way was more fun" The Pharaoh grinned.  
  
"... Oh God I think I just threw up in my mouth but Yuugi was in my mouth at the time so I'm not sure anymore..."  
  
--; "Suck it up and start chanting Ra."  
  
"Ra Ra shish boom ba!"  
  
  
  
"Ow... ok, I'll be serious" Atemu said, rubbing his head tentatively.  
  
"Ra. Ra. Ra. Ra"  
  
"Alright, now on my count of three you each will stab yourselves and bleed. It must be precise or else it won't work. 1....2...3!"  
  
"Ow!"  
  
"Bloody hell I stabbed too early, terribly sorry mate."  
  
"That's alright Ryou, we can try again. 1, 2"  
  
"Sorry, I bled too early this time" ;  
  
--;;;; "Ok, again..."  
  
3 hours later  
  
"I don't think I can go on...lost too much blood..." The two boys were still at it, apparently unable to get it just right.  
  
"That's it!!!!" Isis of course was getting very frustrated. "Rishid! Stab Ryou when I say 3! Malik, stab the pharaoh when I say three! 1 2 3!!!!"  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"....Malik, I think you stabbed a little to hard"  
  
"...He had it coming" Malik smirked, sheathing the Sennen rod.  
  
"Rishid did a good job, I barely felt it" =D  
  
"Good...for you..." Atemu groaned. Suddenly, the skies turned black and thunder started raining down. A enormous figure descended, with the body of a man but his head was the shape of a falcon. A large headdress with a sun on top stood proudly on the head of Ra. Along with him came various other Gods. One was a human who was wrapped in bandages. Obviously that one was Osiris, god of the underworld. Following Osiris was another God with a falcon shaped head. This ones name was Horus, the god of Pharaohs. The last god to come was the god of embalming and mummification, Anubis, who had a jackal's head on top of a human's body. The ones with Egyptian blood in them went into an immediate bow before the gods and only Ryou remained standing.  
  
"WHO DARES SUMMON THE GOD'S TO EARTH?!" When Ra spoke the sands of Egypt shook with his might.  
  
"I do!" Ryou walked forward timidly. "I uh...challenge the all powerful Ra to a cooking contest in order to have my wish fulfilled!" The powerful God glared at the boy.  
  
"YOU ARE AWARE FAILURE IN THIS WILL RESULT IN YOUR DEATH!?!"  
  
"....yes"  
  
"THEN!" The god of gods took off his headgear and replaced it with a chef's hat. "We will start the Metallic Kitchen Master competition!!!!"  
  
  
  
Another chappie done! And in case your wonderin, yes the Metallic Kitchen Master is a parody of Iron chef ;;; Stick around for the next chapter of NROTP!   
  
Shadi: woo will die fwor mwy humiliation!  
  
MU: huh?  
  
Shadi: summons Ammit and kills me  
  
MU: XX 


End file.
